October -- Live Like I Mean It

I’m an idea girl. Those of you who know me well, know this is a momentary strength, but more often it becomes my downfall.  

.... so.... I had this idea..... 

I finally had the guts to share it with my husband, and he has taken on the task of keeping me accountable. (It is yet to be determined if this is a positive on either side.)

For the month of October, I’m going to live like I mean it. 

I became lazy in many ways this summer.  I acquire bad habits in a New York minute, but it seems to take 15 years to acquire a good one.  

By setting a finite period of time (31 days), I hope to “suck it up and deal” and just get things done. Do things the way they’re supposed to be done, as well as challenge myself to do things I mean to do but never get to. 

Now, my legalistic self is already screaming at me. Because many days (I foresee) will be more of a “check it off the list!” with little enjoyment -- though, at times a “going through the motions” approach gets the body and brain used to the activities. However, my heart is hoping that I will sow and reap the benefits of discipline and healthy habits. 

What does all of this involve?

Prioritizing life:

GOD

spending time with Him, studying the Word

surrendering to Him all facets of life -- and living it

JOE / MARRIAGE

serving Joe, caring for his needs

investing in our marriage

SELF

taking care of myself

challenging myself to stretch (not just physically)

OTHERS

reaching out and building relationships (current, and yet to be)

WORK

be present in my current job

investigate self-employment options

develop more concretely what I desire to do

The main thread in all of this is stewardship -- being a good steward of what I’ve been given, my responsibility while I have it, and being able to fully give back.

When I’m in a lull or a pity-party moment, I am hoping the challenge will kick-start me to “get it done”.  

If nothing else, I’ll be blogging about it along the way -- the celebrations and frustrations. By having the month logged, I’ll be able to look back and see the wins as well as what didn’t work. 

Is there an area of your life you would like to kick-start? Want to join me this month and “live like you mean it” in that area? 

Leave a comment below with your ideas and feedback.

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*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 10/2/11.

rendered.....speechless

Have you ever had so many words in your head, and so many words in your heart ... and have not been physically able to get them out?
It's an odd paradox, really. To be filled with so many words, feeling you will *burst* if you don't get the words out. And then, you open your mouth..... and nothing comes out.

This is where I have found myself for the last few months. So very much in my heart -- hurt, pain, anger, brokenness, loneliness... God scraping through scar tissue. Whispering, "We need to deal with this now..." This being several different things as the weeks have progressed -- old issues I thought were taken care of; issues that I knew weren't, but wasn't ready to bring to the surface; and of course, new understandings that I would have to work through. Until, finally, He made it clear -- "Just Me."
Any words I have are for just Him. As much as I have tried to sum up my heart and head to a few dear people in my life, I just couldn't. Even in the mirror (yes, I'm one of those crazy talking-in-the-mirror people to sort things out), I would open my mouth, look at the reflection in the mirror, and stand mouth agape -- in silence.
"Why can't I get any words out, God? ..... Oh. Not until I take them to You first."
"But I'd rather talk about You, than talk to and with You. I'm still mad at You."
"And really, I'm so scared to hear from You. I'm afraid I won't like what I hear. That the truth will be too tough. That I'll have to own up to a LOT. I'm afraid it will be too much responsibility. People won't understand."

And I finally dared to ask the question, "Who are You, God? Who are You REALLY??"

I have been close to God at other times in my life -- I could pick them out easily. I'm not questioning my salvation. But I realized that some deep-seated and core ideas about God are what I have picked up from others or placed on God myself. I do have a lot of sound Biblical ideas of God mixed in there as well. But similar to a garden, a garden is most beautiful when the plants were put there on purpose and designed by the gardener. Weeds, rocks, old mulch, etc., need to be taken out so that the true contents can be nurtured and grow and thrive.

God has been sifting my heart, bringing to light the lies, half-truths, and 3/4 truths.
Placing God's Word back in is the priority. Learning on a deeper level to truly talk with Him, bringing Him the frustrations and questions. Asking Him to guide me.  Pleading for Him to create in me a clean heart and to renew a right spirit  within me (Ps. 51:10)
Praising Him for WHO HE REALLY IS.
God cannot lie. He's incapable of it. Each Word that comes from His mouth is Truth. And He is Faithful. To not be faithful, He wouldn't be God. Bringing Him my unfaithfulness and allowing Him to heal me and scoop that away has been hard to wrap my brain around. Day by day... by day by day....

O Father, I confess that I cannot fathom Your mysteries. I cannot probe Your limits, Almighty One. They are higher than the heavens. They are deeper than the depths of the grave. Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.  (Job 11:7-9)

My God, I acknowledge Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are Your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are Your ways higher than my ways and Your thoughts than my thoughts.  (Isa. 55:8-9)

My Lord, where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.  (Ps. 139:7-10)

My Lord, Your Word is right and true; You are faithful in all You do. You love righteousness and justice. I thank You that the earth is full of Your unfailing love! (Ps. 33:4-5, emphasis mine)





Prayers taken from Praying God's Word, Beth Moore, B&H Publishing... and of course the Bible :-)
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*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 6/6/11.

just a couple of thoughts....

hey all.... i so wish i had a bunch of time to write out all the thoughts in my brain. i also realized it has been a chunk of time since i last posted anything, and wanted to "check in".

i just glanced at the list of all the things i hope to accomplish this year (see 2 posts ago), and at first I was overwhelmed. yes, all the things are good and great and fine and dandy. but something has been poking at my li'l brain in the last few days and i wonder what direction this might go. hang with me (and comments are welcome).... the list is a great source of accountability as i keep focused on things that i always seem to be straying from. already i have had a couple of friends say, "hey, how is such and such going?" or "i saw a couple of your goals, and your recent commitment is honoring that!" that is a great encouragement to me.

but i will be very frank... that list is MY list. many things are spiritual and well-intentioned, but i will be honest -- i didn't ask God if these things were on His list. i can say that a few of them definitely are.... but my point is i didn't ask. which brings me to this:
each new year i have a list or a theme that i try to adopt that takes me on a path for a few months (i mean for it to be a year, but honestly, i'm lucky if it squeaks past february or march). recently on a couple of blogs i ran across a thing that has dared me to give up the list and adopt one word.

it's called One Word 2011 . it originated from a blog www.gritandglory.com when Alece started it last year.
choose one word and live that through this year. be open to what God has for you in that one word.
the last few days i've been chewing on this idea... what words speak to me right now? is this something i want to do? and you get the idea... one word keeps coming back to me. and now it almost taunts me and is just daring me to commit to it.

PRAY


i can go into my list of excuses at this moment, but i will not. i admit it. i do not pray as much or for the things i really need to pray for. i'm sure we can all agree to this. yes, i do pray for the big things in life, and i offer up little prayers at the beginning of the day and at dinner. but this just became very personal.
i was recently struck by some of the things that take up real estate in my brain, trying to sort out the solutions, and realized i am not praying through them. i am not asking and expecting God to work mightily through them. i am not allowing God to be God and do the (seemingly) impossible.

i just started a book today by Steven Furtick called Sun Stand Still. i was a little cynical starting the book and had a couple of reservations -- can God really work mightily in my life and through my life as He did with Joshua when He literally made the sun stand still while the battle raged on? God promised Joshua that he would be successful in conquering the Amorites (see Joshua 10) and He stopped the sun mid-day and fulfilled His promise.
as i'm reading the book there are 3 situations at the forefront of my mind (one is a vision/dream i believe God planted, one is a temptation i seek freedom from, and one is a relationship i desire to be changed). i realize that all three of them demand a miracle. i constantly am trying to figure out how sara can conquer these and what the strategy should be, when it's really only GOD that can do it. and i don't think He wants me to sit idly by just waiting for Him to work. i now realize that He wants me actively involved by asking for Him to intervene and believe that He can and will do it (this is part of the audacious faith that Steven talks about it in his book). and it's not just the big things. it's the little things. the Bible talks about praying ceaselessly. this is to pray about everything. even the mundane and boring and monotonous things. so it's everything on the spectrum. and i was silenced by the lack of conversation i have with my Creator about all of it. Again, not trying to get in the overwhelming category by all that i'm not praying for, but just taken aback by the desire God has of me to share with Him all that is in my mind and heart, and to release it to Him and expectantly watch as He works in all of it.

as Christ-followers, our life is not to be mundane and ordinary. Because Jesus was anything but mundane and ordinary. _____________________________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 1/20/11

Breakfast of Champions!

well, as the first Monday of 2011 comes, it was easy to make this decision for a good breakfast after walking 2 miles. why is it so easy on that "first real day" to do the right thing, and it's so not easy in about 10-14 days? so i'm posting this more for my encouragement, that it can be done, i can do it, and i hope to continue making good decisions this month. it did help also that on stepping on the scale today i saw a number that i haven't seen in quite a while (a good thing!). with the stresses of 2010, i "maxed out" TWICE at my top weight. so with this number peering at me from the scale in the wee hours of the morning i can celebrate that i have lost 10-13 pounds in the last couple of months. i wasn't trying, it just kind of happened. though it definitely provides the boost of momentum to "keep running the race" so to speak.
during my cool down lap of my walk, one of my favorite worship songs was playing on my phone -- "Jesus Paid it All" by Kristian Stanfill. to be honest, i don't focus much on the crucifixion of Christ. in that moment, though, i really did. and as the chorus broke out ("oh praise the One who paid my debt / and raised this life up from the dead") i looked to the bright blue, clear sky, catching the sun breaking through the trees and just was in awe... thank GOD for CHRIST. the one who bore ALL the sins of this world and is now victorious reigning over all, waiting patiently to come again so that all who confess Him with their LIVES may know Him for eternity and dwell with Him.
Heavenly Father, i pray that You consume my life -- that each day starts with You, is surrendered to You, and everything else trickles down from You and time spent with You. Help me to resist the urge to merely "fit you into my day". Thank you for this day of life and help me to live You out as You would have me to. In Jesus' Name, Amen. ____________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 1/3/11.

new year's in my head

if you happened to catch my above average Facebook activity, you may have caught that New Year’s is a phenomenon that takes over my brain waves. 

all of a sudden my mind jumps to all the things i hope to accomplish, ways i hope to change, activities i want to dare to try, and in general, how i want to improve or how life can be different. new year’s, for me, has the effect like the slates i used to have when i was a kid. the one with the red plastic pencil and the little plastic page that you pull up to erase whatever was previously written. january 1st has that effect of a loud and dramatic pull up on the page, extinguishing the disappointments or failures that have been lingering in my soul. 

i wish to borrow a genius comment from Anne of Green Gables by Miss Stacy to Anne: “tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it.” i think of this each new year as i look ahead wondering what awaits this silly girl. the whole experience liberates my imagination as i ponder “what will be?”. 

i start this mental list of all these wonderful ideas i hope to realize. (why is it that my best ideas come when i can’t write them down??)

as the list takes shape in my head, i am reminded at how legalistic i can become. i love lists. i love to cross things off lists. and though many of my ideas have a good intention, i find myself consumed with wanting to cross that item off the list, not because a good thing has necessarily manifested itself in my life, but because I CAN CROSS IT OFF THE LIST. 

so then i must take a step back. is it just about the list? or is it because i truly am willing to invest the time and energy to change or incorporate new habits, or what have you.... 

well, the reality is my life is an atlas of many roads paved with good intentions. let’s be honest. it’s january 2nd. i have no clue what will happen this year. but in the spirit of New Year’s, i am posting a list of what has been circling around this noggin. this may serve as comic relief in 6 months when i look back on this. it may be a source of accountability. or it may become a prayer list for some of the items. 

blogs can be interactive, and i do pray that this becomes so as i share my life. i would love to hear comments, encouragements, et cetera. and without further ado...

sara’s 2011 list

God-centered stuff

seek God more fervently and consistently

read the entire New Testament (i have started a NT in 30 days plan)

have a consistent quiet time with the Lord

read the Bible consistently

set aside sabbath times through the year

be open to what God has to teach me and bring into life

pray for God to reveal His will for our family

relationships

become a better student of my husband

set aside special time for my marriage (including date nights and fun activities)

communicate more and better with my husband

invest in the gals in my life -- be intentional about making time with them

communicate with friends out of town

become less selfish, and more selfless (sounds redundant, but i need to focus on this!)

faith family stuff

host a small group

find an area to serve 

house stuff

do weekly plan sheets to efficiently plan each week’s goings-on

have a consistent schedule re: housework

plan meals for each pay period or month, tying in coupons

balance checkbook each week and pay bills each payday

finish settling the house

frame photos and hang

physical

exercise regimen -- consistency is the key!

train for walking a 10K

walk a 10K (or two??)

lose 20 pounds

doggies

work on training dogs

introduce them to other dogs in the neighborhood

get them on a consistent walking schedule

introduce them to the beach!

get them to the vet for checkups

regular grooming/baths

creative stuff

journal

keep up the blog

start a book review blog?

find creative writing opportunities

read 1-2 books a month (preferably more, but let’s start small!)

photo outings

work on photography

as i wrap this up for the night, i know there are about 50 more things i wanted to include in the list, but of course they elude me now... 

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*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 1/2/11

One of a million -- sort of...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! another year, another blog! yes, i'm sure there are many people out there that have a resolution to start or revamp a blog around January 1st. it's a time when we reflect, daydream about our hopes and dreams for the next 12 months, and feel the creative bug bite as we want to spin our thoughts into the universe for many to read. in this regard, i admit, i am one of a million.
as some of you know, 2010 held a tremendous adventure that has really just begun. four months ago (today, in fact) we closed on our new home in South Carolina. the reason we moved here is simply God. He came up with this crazy idea to take us out of our idyllic Kentucky existence and put us on a path that only He could pave. and that is where this blog picks up. my desire is to use this medium to record what God is doing, and how this stubborn, spunky, sensitive sara responds.
one of the parameters i hope to uphold is to keep this honest. there will be days that are not comfortable -- we all have them. i pray that my sharing connects others together as we step through this life together. some days we feel like we crawl, most days we walk. there are days when we run, and days that we fall down are bound to happen -- but we get back up and try again. on a rare day we get to skip -- here's to more skipping days!

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*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 12/31/10.

a delightful afternoon

Preface point: I have not written in ages, and this entry is a response to a friend's challenge to be creative this afternoon. 

The LORD your God is with you,
       he is mighty to save.
       He will take great delight in you,
       he will quiet you with his love,
       he will rejoice over you with singing."

(Zephaniah 3:17)

A friend of mine had this verse on her Facebook status a couple of days ago. I so wanted to grab onto this verse and hang with it for a few days. As I stare at this verse and ponder, there really isn’t anything else, is there? God is always with me. He is the Mighty Warrior who fights on my behalf and fights for me. He delights in me. He will quiet me with his love. The Amplified Bible says this: He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]. He will rejoice over me with singing.  

I admit this is a picture of my God that I have a harder time grasping onto. In this picture there is no worry, no anxiety, no fear. How freeing. I think I’m struck by the contrast in my life.... realizing how much I do worry, how much I do get anxious about things, be they big or small. And how much I do fear. It’s been said countless times that there are 365 “Do not fear’s” in the Bible... one for every day of the year. To me this verse emanates the point of not fearing where I “get it”. What is there to fear? I’m in the arms of my Maker. Is there a battle with my name on it that needs fighting? He is on the front line. And guess what? He wins every time! God does not lose! Though I am not a parent, I think of the moments in life where I delight in someone or something: my dogs, a small child, my husband. In the book that I’m reading right now, there is a conversation that takes place that made me stop and ponder and it speaks to this point of God’s delight in His child:

After slathering myself with more sunscreen, I nestled in my custom-designed space and kept telling Laurie how beautiful the water was.

“You know,” she said. “I think God must really enjoy the way you appreciate His creation so much.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Even in college you were always noticing the moon or the shape of a certain leaf.  You appreciate the beauty of creation more than anyone I know. I thought of that the other evening when you read that verse about inviting God to enjoy His creation.”

“Oh, right. In Psalm 104.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, because I know what it’s like to enjoy something I’ve created.”

“Like your photos,” I said.

“Exactly. But what would it be like for the thing that was created to turn around and express mutual enjoyment of the moment to the Creator?” 

I wasn’t sure I followed her.

“Think of all the criticism God must hear every day. But not from you, Hope. Every day I hear you express awe and delight for everything around you that He created. You are enjoying His work of art right alongside Him, yet you are part of that work of art. Can you imagine how that must make Him feel?”

I couldn’t.

“I think I understand something I never understood before.”

“What’s that?” The revelations seemed to be coming at Laurie so quickly I couldn’t even try to keep up.

“I think I understand how deeply the Creator must love the parts of His creation that love Him back.” (from Sisterchicks Do the Hula, Robin Jones Gunn)

I find myself identifying strongly in a mix of both characters. Laurie, the photographer, taking great satisfaction out of her art is such a part of who I am. Hope, the appreciator of Creation, is also my heart as I stare at a sunrise or sunset, the moon, the way flowers are blooming, dew on leaves... I try desperately to understand the Creator more. But by turning my delight of what God has created to Him, I am delighting not only in what He has made, but also delighting in Him. I think in turn He delights in my delight. And I need to just delight in that! (Got it?) (Of course, He delighted in me way back before I could ever delight in Him.)

The last part of the verse.. God will rejoice over me with singing. Wow. God created music. So my logic says He’s got the best singing voice of all. I think of the times in my life that I sing.... I can’t even imagine the sound of His voice, and to think He sings over me! Anyone who has memories of a parent singing over them knows it’s one of the most treasured memories a person can have. 

When I have thought about this verse over the last couple of days, I have been reminded to accept the peace that only God can give. Abide in Him. And enjoy Him as He delights in me. Pretty cool stuff. I can’t wait for eternity. As much as I try to shed the chains of anxiety, worry and fear, on this earth, I know I will be able to shed those chains permanently in Heaven. For now, I will allow this verse to wash over me and remind me that I can, in fact, shed those chains here and now and savor the Love that is beyond my comprehension. 

Father, I just am in awe of You. I treasure the day that I will see Your face and be swept up in Your arms. For now, I thank You that You have given me Your Word and it says I am already in the palm of Your Hand. Thank You for Your creation -- it delights me so. Help me to always turn that delight back to You. You are with me always and You are my security. In Your Son’s Mighty Name, Amen. 

Faces of Christ and Eternal Stuff

I recently was on a business trip and I encountered two faces I hope do not fade from memory soon. (A little disclaimer here: I think too much. I just do. No apologies. So if this doesn't make sense, or you just think "that's nice, Sara," at the end of this post, well so be it.) These two encounters struck me as profound and reinforced a trail of thought that has been growing lately.

The first was in Orlando. My colleagues and I were in the Orlando airport early one morning getting ready to settle down and eat our yogurt parfaits before heading to our gate. As we approached a cluster of chairs I noticed a gentleman listening to his MP3 player and reading. Once we sat down I noticed he was reading his Bible. Normally not a big thing, but a comforting and delightful sight to see someone reading their Bible in such a public place. He seemed deep in thought and in his own world as he read. It then struck me that this was probably his morning quiet time with the Lord (it was 6am after all). A strange sensation of emotion pushed over me as two things hit me: 1. it is touching to me to see a man reading the Word of God in a personal setting -- be it my husband or someone else. It tells me that they know who God is and they are not Him. In this culture where men are encouraged (and somewhat required) to have an ego and a facade of self-confidence and succeed in the world's measures, it is refreshing to see a man who delights in the One who made him. With that said, point #2 is that I felt that I had stepped onto a holy ground of sorts. I get distracted too easily for my own good. To grab a quiet place and be able to meet God in that place (albeit a public place) would be an amazing thing. The last thing I would want is to try to tune out 3 ladies chatting about their day as I try to listen to God. My spirit became very unsettled as though I had walked in on someone in a very personal moment. I asked my colleagues if we could please move to another spot. I just wanted to honor his time with God and not be a distraction in it. One of my co-workers wondered if he would think that we moved because he was reading the Bible. We finished breakfast and headed to our gate. As we were about to board, the same gentleman stepped up to our gate, as he had the same flight to Atlanta. My dear colleague extended a hello to him and mentioned that we saw him reading his Bible and that we didn't want to disturb him, but also didn't want him to think that we were disturbed by his reading the Bible (hang with me...). He was very cordial and sincere and mentioned that he had been on a trip in Orlando with little time to himself and was catching up. He was excited to get back to Atlanta and see his family. We told him that we were Christians as well and on a buying trip for a church bookstore. It just made me so thankful that although I do not know his name or anything about him, he is a brother in Christ. From the earlier moment, not a single word was said, but he showed with his life who is #1. If I don't say a single word, would people know God's place in my life?

The next morning in Atlanta, my colleagues and I were having breakfast in the hotel. A woman caught my eye. I couldn't figure out why. I just wanted to keep looking at her as I tried to figure out what it was about her that held my attention. Her expression and demeanor was full of kindness. On rare occasions have I encountered someone where I've thought, "I don't know why, but I want to know this person." She had that same kind of effect. I watched her in conversation with her friend as she listened intently, spoke thoughtfully (although I couldn't hear a word she said). As she came back to the table with her breakfast, she chatted another moment with her friend/colleague. Then she quietly bowed her head as she prayed. Her friend had tried to say something to her as she prayed and apologized when she realized it. This woman responded with compassion and continued the conversation. That's when the lightbulb went off in my head, "she's a sister!" Again, in itself, not a big thing, but while her words were not audible to me, she attracted me with her kindness. Again -- would a stranger be able to look at me and just tell that "there's something about that girl"? Would they see Christ in me, whether they believe in Christ or not?

To change the course we're on just a tad.... it's occurred to me that I think way too much of this life and not a whole lot of my thought process is spent thinking of eternity or eternal things. This quote has crossed into my path several times in the past few months from C.S. Lewis: If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.

God is working on me in many facets of this. One being the people with whom I will share eternity. Would it be enough that I would get to spend each day of FOREVER with Jesus, gazing into His face? I can confidently say yes to this (admittedly, I could not always say yes). But then, I get to share eternity and just hang out with some of the people I've most wanted to? Seriously? Yuppers to that as well. And I've pondered that more and more recently. I'm a girl of silly wishes. I wish I could do that. I wish I knew that person better. Or I wish I could spend more time with so and so. But as important as it is to develop relationships, people who share my faith in Jesus will be in Heaven. So there will be time. It will just be later. And knowing we are but a vapor, later will come much quicker than we think. When I think of how much I miss my precious mother-in-law, I am tempted to feel gypped that we only got a few months of each other's life on this earth. But she is where she has longed to be her whole life -- Home, walking with Jesus. And though I miss that lady like crazy I long for the day that we are reunited and we have literally forever to catch up and develop a stronger relationship. I think of so many others, people who have been gone from this earth with whom I will first meet in Heaven (such as my father-in-law). But then I think of my brothers and sisters I'm surrounded by now. For whatever reason our life's circumstances may not be conducive to a close friendship, or we cannot spend a lot of time together, but that will change in Eternity. And I genuinely look forward to that time. Wonderful musicians that love to praise God -- will it be like a giant concert every night, or will I be able to wander the streets of gold and catch one musician, followed by an orchestra, followed by a band?

And that's where I will bring back the first two faces I introduced. I will finally have the chance to meet them properly and sit and find out what God has done in their lives and what was going on when our paths crossed for but a second. I'm continually amazed at the tapestry of His plan that God weaves. We'll finally get to see it from His perspective when we are enveloped in His arms and He lovingly says, "Welcome Home."

2009 -- a new theme and a new prayer

It never ceases to amaze me when a new year shows up. 

There is always a part of me that mourns the passing of the year just lived. I think this is because I feel that time passes just way too quickly. And I've had this sentiment since I was about 12. So the frequented comment of "it only goes faster the older you get" not only produces a bitter taste in my mouth, but I just want to throw a 12 year-old-type tantrum and scream and beat my fists shouting, "IT ALREADY GOES TOO FAST! I DON'T NEED IT TO GO ANY FASTER!!" So this is a "thing" I'm eternally learning to deal with -- albeit not successfully, most times. 

Yet there is something awe-filling when standing on the morn of a brand new year. I have the visual of standing on a giant calendar, looking over the year filled with wonder and a question of "what will this year bring?" It is quite exciting on one level. On the other hand it can be daunting. For just this moment I will look back over 2007 and 2008, knowing there were significant challenges and trials that were allowed into the life of my husband and myself -- cancer, 2 miscarriages and back surgery, in addition to hurdles in our professions.  If someone told me on January 1st of those years what we would face, I would have probably hid under a rock.  But the strange (and pretty darn cool) thing is that I stand today stronger than I could have imagined to be and more in awe of my God who (even tho' He needs not) proves His faithfulness and protection time again. 

Is it my prayer to have a "calm" 2009? Of course! Why would I want anything else? But the more deep and fervent prayers of my heart do not include "calm" if they are to be truly fulfilled.  The true answers to my prayers may come in the forms of heartache, heartbreak, sacrifice of time and self, humililty (which is never fun to truly learn), and selflessness (ugh-- I'm truly a selfish girl and that is hard to give up).... but also, I expect I will encounter abounding joy that I have not known, a truly hope-filled heart, and a peace and comfort coming only from my Savior with a look back of "why didn't I do this sooner?" Being the super-sappy girl I am, I will shed a tear for the challenges and trials to come, and at the same time I am filled with the hope and stability of the rock-solid (Rock-solid) promises upon which I have learned to stand, thanks to the trials and victories of the past 2 years. 

A few years ago, at the invitation of a godly and wise woman, I started choosing a theme for the fresh new year. I try to pray and listen to what God would like me to concentrate on for that year.  My discipline for (what I would consider) filling the year with themed Scripture and journaling always went by the wayside within the first 30 days. But throughout each year, the specific theme would find its way in my thoughts and prayers. And, again, I am able to look back and see how faithful God was to teach me relevant and valuable lessons.  

What is my theme for 2009? Missional: shining my light for Jesus Christ. My prayer this year is that I become more intentional of relationships and willing to share my faith. I grew up in a church, I work in a church, but can I be the Church to someone? Can I just tell you that this scares me? In a controlled and safe environment this is a piece of cake to me. But out in the world, walking next to someone who does not have the rock-solid hope that I have experienced? Oh contraire moonfraire. I've felt the nudging for several months now that God is opening a  window for me to move in this area. Does this mean I'm going to be a missionary in the jungle? I can safely say "Not yet."  Or force my beliefs down one's throat? nope. I want to learn to love people. Plain and simple. Love them as Jesus loves them. Look at others with His eyes. And find out what He truly means when He says to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind....Love your neighbor as yourself." As I take God out of the box I continually put Him in, I feel He will be plucking me up out of the safe and guarded box I constructed for myself.  

May I ask a favor? Will you pray (with me) that I keep my focus and not allow this to fall by the wayside in the next 30 days? To truly allow God to work and show His Glory in the life of this little girl who is still learning to crawl up in Abba's lap and just be His daughter? 

Here's to 2009 (lifting cup up) -- I'm sure it will be a wild and crazy ride! I pray God showers you with His many Blessings this year.