get inside your story... and begin

Every year, the week of my birthday, I take stock of where life is, where I’m at in it, what hopes / dreams / goals are for the coming year, what I would like to focus on, etc.  And I shared some of that here on my birthday eve.

And then I awoke on my birthday to a beautiful email. The friend who sent it, didn’t even know it was my birthday, which made it a true gift. It was authentic, God inspired, and just what I needed to receive that morning.  We were in a conversation about pursuing goals and dreams with what God had gifted us each to do. I had shared a few ideas about my photography and writing. And the advice I received is still ringing in my ears.... get inside your story.  The context was geared toward writing and losing yourself within the story being written. And to start anything, one must begin. Whatever it is in life, we must take a step, and then another, and then another.... we will never achieve, grow, or move forward, if we do not begin.  

Those two points flipped a switch in me. 

I resonated strongly with the point to get inside my story.  By nature, I’m a wallflower. An observer. I love to watch people. I have fears of both failure and success, thus I don’t try as hard as I could or ought.  And for several reasons, I tend to just sit on the sidelines of life and watch.  But as I get older, I have realized how much I would rather be on the field, in the game. I want to have a life full of interesting stories. But even more so, I want to be in the middle of the moment. I want to know that within an experience, I am taking it in, eyes wide open, and willingly participating. 

As a photographer, getting inside my story is key. The observer in me has taken many safe shots on the sidelines, courtesy of my handy-dandy zoom lens. I can be there without disrupting the moment. But that position has also made me miss out on some incredible shots and experiences because I didn’t want to get my hands dirty. I was too afraid to speak up or ask someone if I could get in the thick of it and be a recorder of the moment. 

But to get started and move in any direction that will be productive, it is essential I begin. 

Yesterday, I realized a month of my 39-ness has already passed, and I wanted to check in with myself as to how I am doing with my theme.

The month of October, I took my camera everywhere with me. I really sunk myself into as many moments as I could. I shot almost 2000 photos (most of them aren’t any good and will not see the light of day). Of course, it was easy to be inspired as the autumn leaves were peaking in the mountains and amazing sights surrounded me. It was a great month of just being, seeing, and living. 

I also focused on making time to write. Most of it was for me, just getting into the swing of writing again. It felt freeing to get words and thoughts out, especially thoughts or stories I’ve wanted to put down for a while. 

Now I will admit, the last couple of weeks have been swept up in holiday retail schedules. The leaves are down, so although my environment is still beautiful, the urgency to catch a tree or a leaf right at that moment is no longer there. And, to be honest, I get complacent easily. I, too often, let the mess in my head distract me from the moment. 

But even in the moments I didn’t produce something tangible, I have been aware of what is around me, I have been soaking in others’ words and contemplating them, using them as inspiration for a future work session. I also have been more proactive in sharing my work with others, listening to feedback and thoughts.  

I look forward to the next 30 days and what God has in store as I continue to put one foot in front of the other, pause here and there to listen, keep my camera handy, capture amazing snapshots of life, and string thoughts together on paper.  

The theme I want to live by this year motivates me. Just thinking it or saying it propels my imagination.  What does it say to you?

get inside your story.... and begin.

week in review

life is busy. lots of things are going on, but the last seven to ten days have been especially busy and eventful. 

my parents came in to spend some time with us last weekend ( 4 nights / 3 days to be exact). we haven’t had that kind of quality time in quite a while, and the visit was wonderful. they stayed with us at our new-to-us old farmhouse (circa 1910).  though this is the smallest house my Joe and I have had, we were never running over each other, and we somehow coordinated 4 grown adults in and out of one bathroom. 

it was lovely being tourists in our new hometown. there were a few must-do’s on the list, and we successfully hit about 3 major sights / activities a day, including Smoky Mountain National Park (and Cades Cove), Gatlinburg, getting fried apple pies & cider at The Apple Barn, and the permanent Titanic exhibit in Pigeon Forge. we also had a bit of downtime and just enjoyed hanging out at the house. 

while my parents were here, our washer appeared to start leaking. so once mom and dad got on their way, we had a repairman get on his way to the house. turns out the washer was not leaking. always be careful how you pray... we prayed it wasn’t leaking... it wasn’t.. but the culprit was much bigger than we could have anticipated. 

the drain that the washer drained into was backing up. we don’t know why all of a sudden this became an issue, but it did. and we then found out that we had antique plumbing. it was pretty common back in the day to not route your washer to the septic/sewer system, but to route the pipe underground and have it dump out somewhere in the yard. nice. so after three and a half hours of being befuddled, the plumber finally figured out what was going on. and he had to come back the next day to repipe the line into the septic/sewer. an expense we definitely didn’t plan on. 

the day before mom and dad got here, our cantankerous curmudgeon of a beagle/basset mix had to have surgery to take a tumor off of his paw. he was bandaged up and seemed to do well for the first few days. until the plumber showed up. while he was here, and immediately after my Joe got home from work, Bailey decided to chew through his bandage and pull his stitches out. so off to the vet we went! we came home and thought all was well for a while.... then on Friday, in a fit of boredom / itchiness / temper mismanagement, he ate the bandage. as in ingested. as in couldn’t be found anywhere in the house and had to be in his belly. that revelation was discovered at two o’clock in the morning. praying that he wouldn’t need surgery (because i was close to making the call of just not bringing him home period -- it was 2am, i was exhausted and not thrilled about any part of the situation), we watched him closely and waited it out. (probably not the smartest call in hindsight, but we’re all okay.) sunday, as my Joe and I are getting ready for church, I saw Bailey in a posture that meant something was up. and it was. all over my carpet. a one to one and a half pound sausage roll of vomit. the bandage encased everything he had eaten the last two days. (at least it was easy to dispose of). so thankful it came out that end and not get tied up in his intestines, which it easily could have. (and he is fine, we’ve watched and he has passed all traces of bandage stuff.)

and we’re officially in fourth quarter of the retail world. veteran’s day weekend is a wildly popular and heavily attended event here in the sevierville/pigeon forge/gatlinburg area. and working 45 hours in 5 days (as a part-timer) -- many of those hours at the cashwrap talking to and helping customers non-stop --  are great at the moment, but zaps all energy out of this introvert-acting-like-an-extrovert. at least it was a good warm-up for the thanksgiving weekend chaos that is to come. i’m thankful for some great customers that indulged me by laughing at my jokes and returning the smiles. 

all in all, it’s actually been a great week. 

oh... if you have a hankering for an 8 year old curmudgeony canine, we can ship him COD. :-)

Flannel. Camera. Music.

A reawakening of sorts has happened.  Five weeks ago, I returned to Iowa for a high school reunion, but what started the trip is what reminded me of something I had forgotten. 

I LOVE solo road trips. 

I had taken many as a young gal in my twenties. Moving 600 miles away from home will do that. 

Just being able to drive and let my mind wander.... to play whatever music I wanted whenever I wanted.... to pit stop where and when I wanted .... I forgot how much I loved and craved that freedom and adventure. 

The positive takeaway is that when I embark on my commute to work each day, a mere 15 miles, I enjoy that time fully. I turn up the tunes and just soak in the sights around me. 

While I was driving the interstates across the midwest, I fell in love with the land of my roots all over again. But it was really the stretch of two-way highways between the city of my teens and the town of my childhood that made the biggest impact. 

The scenery was simply gorgeous to this midwestern girl. Fields were golden with cornstalks. Barns and farmhouses dotted the rolling hills. Teeny tiny towns forced a slowdown to 45 mph or possibly 35 mph. And I loved every mile of it. 

I hope I can return next year and create a robust portfolio of rural scenes, because I regretted not having the time to stop and take the photos I really wanted to. Fortunately,  this trip made me travel with my camera right by my side in the front seat. 

And I’m getting back in the swing of traveling with my camera more than I have in the last few years. The great percentage of my favorite shots are the fleeting moments that I practically missed. And I cannot count the passed opportunities because I didn’t have my companion with me. So I’m learning (again) that I must live with my camera. I think we make a good combination anyway. ;-)

Fall is, by far, my favorite time of year. When days get shorter, the temperature drops lower, the leaves turn magnificent colors of gold, orange and red. Another reason I love fall? I adore flannel. It is my dress code when I go out and shoot. It’s comfy, it feels great, and it epitomizes fall. I cannot get enough of it. 

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been dreaming and brainstorming about life -- how to better work my passions into something more sustainable. When I have a day off, running errands around town, I’m struck with how deep the drive is to make a go of my art. Driving around, music turned up, in my flannel shirt, with my camera..... “THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO!!”  The force of the sensation is scary, yet exhilarating. But isn’t that the thrill??

Flannel. Camera. Music. I’m ready. 

birthday eve

© sarampeters 2013

I'm sitting here on my birthday eve, taking stock of a few things. Each birthday comes with 

a bit of New Year's mentality -- what have I done this last year? what didn't I do this last year? what would I like to accomplish this coming year? try? places to travel to? habits to change? .... the questions easily flood my brain, and before I know it, I've beaten myself up, dreamed big and created a larger to-do list and reading list than I could ever keep up with. 

Those things will creep into my daily life over the next few months as it is.

But I hope I can set much of that aside and concentrate on the now. I hope this year is filled with "now" moments. Living eyes wide open and in the present. Taking some risks. Working on a couple of big ideas -- ideas that give me that "I think I wanna throw up" feeling.

I hope this year is also a year of preparation. I'm turning 39, and I want to enter my forties expectantly. A year from now, I hope to be ready to enter the next decade of life with more wisdom than today, more self-assuredness, and anticipative delight of what God has in store.

Enough of crippling to-do or idea lists...


This year I want to:

LAUGH

SING

ENJOY THIS MOMENT

INVEST IN OTHERS

ENCOURAGE WITH WORDS

FIND JOY AND BEAUTY IN SIMPLICITY

DO SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO

LOVE MY FAMILY WELL

NURTURE MY PASSIONS



Do you take stock each year at your birthday? What would you like to do differently?

i've been unfaithful

This morning as I was driving into work, I was struck by the landscape in front of me. The mountaintops were shrouded in a line of very dark clouds, and through pockets in the clouds, the sun just blazed through with brilliance and contrast.

The mountains are changing color dramatically right now, as we are officially in peak season with the changing leaves. What have been dark green mountains up until now, the panorama has smudges of orange, yellow, and red. The dark clouds crossing the tops of the mountains cast this ominous shadow, making one think rain was about to pour out. And then the sun. Filling any gap in the clouds, glittering its rays through the darkness to light up the coloring mountain scene.

It's not hard to think of God in such a sight. How He breaks through our darkness and shines light in our lives when we need it....
As I was talking to God, playing through the last few days, and the last few weeks of my life, I was finally in a place where I could ask for forgiveness. I have been unfaithful.

The last few weeks have been really wonderful, interestingly enough. God gave me a miracle by clearing out an old grudge, ushering in a fresh perspective of my past. I've been able to rekindle friendships from my childhood. I have a couple new friendships budding, and I'm excited to see how they grow. I've been pausing each day to appreciate what's around me, intentionally celebrating what gives me joy in the small moments.

And in the joy, I've been unfaithful. I have placed these joy-producing things / people / moments in front of God. I have been specifically and fully aware that I've pushed God aside in many moments, pursuing my own wants and desires, even allowing a thought war to flow freely. Yesterday, there was a weird crumbling feeling in me, and I couldn't pinpoint what was going on. A restlessness in my bones took over and I couldn't shake it.

The mountain view this morning brought clarity. God is ever FAITHFUL. He lets me have my moments of doing my own thing... but He won't let me stay there. Grace abounds. He loves me above my mess. He holds me accountable, but is merciful. He forgives when that's the last thing I deserve. And through it, His brilliance, His glory, His light shines through my darkness and illuminates the beautiful landscape of my life.

Psalm 36:5-6 
⁵ Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep.

Psalm 89:8 

⁸ O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

Psalm 91:4
 ⁴ He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Lamentations 3:22-24 
²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.²³ They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

1 Corinthians 10:13
¹³No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 John 1:9 
⁹If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

midwest love

©sarampeters 2013

three weeks ago, i traveled to the midwest for my high school reunion. the trip was amazing... i'm still processing aspects of it.  more will be coming regarding the trip.

but i wanted to post *something* tonight... something that didn't require too much thought or planning... something that just sums up an emotion i have....

i was not expecting the absolute adoration and love i have for the midwest. i have always very much appreciated the fact i was raised in the midwest. but this trip drew me in and surprised me with glorious sites. (maybe it was that i hadn't been back in several years...)

as a photographer, i was frustrated that i couldn't stop a gazillion times (or even ten, due to time) to really capture what i saw... i have always wanted to do a collection of rural stuff. and i will have to revisit the midwest a year from now to shoot all the gloriousness that surrounded me.

anyway... as i drove through eastern Illinois on my way to Iowa, i was stunned by the sunset over the rural landscape. fortunately, i stopped. ;-)

**all content and photographs are copyrighted and the sole property of sara m. peters.**

did i tell you? do you know??

so.... yeah.... ummm.... here it goes..... I LOVE FALL!!!!!!!!!

I can't control it sometimes... I want to shout it from the mountaintops.... I want to whisper it in the ears of everyone I pass by....

Did I tell you??

I LOVE FALL!!!!!!!!!!

I love the foggy mornings as God pulls back the blanket of the day He's uncovering before my eyes.

I love the changing of the leaves and how each day is completely different and surprising.

I love driving down the roads of East Tennessee and smelling fires of burning leaves.

I love the harvest displays sprinkled throughout my town, mini bales of hay with pumpkins, scarecrows, and mums propped up.

I love the evenings getting darker minute by minute as the temperature drops lower and lower.

I love sleeping with the windows open and wake up excited to see how cold it gets inside my house.

I love farmer's stands on the sides of the roads heralding their latest apples, mums, pumpkins and gourds.

I love pumpkin chai lattes and apple cider and the many wonderful goodies that are apple / caramel / pumpkin flavored or inspired.

I love curling up in a fleece sweatshirt and blanket, with a warm fall beverage, and sitting outside reading until it's too dark to see... and then I sit for several moments more...

I love having an October birthday and the "new year" mentality it gives me as I reflect on the year past, and dream for the year ahead.

Please share.... what do you love about fall?

a new place, a new outlook, a new look... and more to come!

This blog officially went a little crazy.... I had one back in Kentucky, started a new one when we moved to South Carolina a few years ago... and now we moved to Tennessee, so I just revamped the first one and added content from blog #2 to blog #1.  (follow? yep, crazy stuff... i told you)

So.... this is my temporary writing space... while i prepare for the “next big thing” (because there’s always a next big thing with me, isn’t there??).  

I am now in a farmhouse in a small town in East Tennessee (because it’s not eastern Tennessee, you see).  My husband and I moved to Tennessee after three years in South Carolina. The mountains have our hearts and I’m so excited to be back in a place that has four seasons. The move has been very positive, and we hope that this will be home for a good long time. 

The last three years can be described as a Refiner’s Fire. A time where faith was shaken to the core, and we were thrown to the threshing floor.  And a lot of days it feels like only a mustard seed of faith came through... but isn’t that all we need? And now, I gaze upon the mountains *daily* and just am in awe of how mighty and incredible God really is.

The house is getting settled, bit by bit. Creative juices are flowing.  And fall is here!! This tidbit ignites this ol’ girl’s soul like no other. The last two evenings I’ve been caught outside in our backyard way past sunset, just gazing out at the sky and the surroundings. I simply cannot get enough of it! 

I launched #StartOverOctober as a way to celebrate a moment (or few) of each day this month... being intentional to try something, get out, make something, or just be. My photos can be found on Instagram under #startoveroctober (there are a couple in there that aren’t mine, but anyway!)

follow me @saranades on Twitter and Instagram, and there will be more to come for sure! 

Better Days

I discovered this song from the Christmas disc we play at work. I have always loved the Goo Goo Dolls. This song is so haunting... so provoking.... this song always makes me stop and listen. "Tonight is the night that the world begins again." Happy December and Merry Christmas. :-)
 ____________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 12/1/11.

remembering rivet

This has been an odd week. A week of remembering with personal sorrow. It's also a week of coming joy.

And sometimes the two emotions on opposite ends of the spectrum mix or find themselves asking which comes first and which comes next. 

The sorrow has been bold, trying to dominate. I know there is a place for it, yet I've struggled to not let it take hold. 

I fear letting this out there into the blogosphere (again, on some levels). But I know the more I keep it within myself, the more it builds up into something unhealthy. 

I think I just don't want to be the only one to whom this matters. I don't want to be the only who remembers. 

And remembering once isn't enough. We make such a big deal about birthdays. So what are those of us who have little ones in Heaven -- who don't have earthly birthdays --  to do? I just want to remember for a moment. 

Last Tuesday, November 22nd, marked the 4th anniversary when Joe and I found out about peapod. It was Thanksgiving Day 2007, and I, from all my physical experiences, was pretty sure I was pregnant. I was so scared. I remember crying to Joe how scared I was. We had experienced a tubal pregnancy 7 months before (tatertot) that required a miscarriage. God was so good in healing me quickly. But I knew that even though God strengthened me in that time, I was not strong enough to go through a miscarriage again. So I told God He had to make this second one "take". Five weeks of ultrasounds later, we found out on December 26th of 2007 that peapod was an anembryonic pregnancy, and 2 weeks later, I finally miscarried. (A miracle among the miracles we experienced was strength only He could give.)

This past March, I found myself with similar physical experiences to peapod, and wondered if I was indeed pregnant. The day I took the test would have been the first day I could get a reliable positive. A few minutes after the test came back negative I started bleeding profusely.  This was not just a normal period. (And I've had many abnormal too.) I knew in my gut and in my soul what was happening. The most profound and inconsolable grief took hold. I still cannot even explain how I felt. But my world spun out of control... or maybe it was me spinning out of control. But the world did not look the same for a very long time. 

I asked God to confirm that this was indeed a miscarriage and not simply a haywire period. He did confirm it to me over and over. The overwhelming grief in my soul that I could not explain continued for weeks. I even told myself to just be over it already... I was just hoping to talk myself out of it and move on with the healing process. I learned a lot about God and my relationship with Him through it. And it was not pretty stuff. Nevertheless, I had to come to grips with false truths I had picked up, taught myself, and hammered into my heart over the years about God. God has been patient with me this year. Kind. Compassionate. Loving. And Truth.

This week I'll be receiving multiple announcements of my niece and friends who are expecting to give birth to their little ones (yes! all within the next 10 days or so). There is a baby boom going on right now. Yes, I rejoice happily and sincerely at the arrival of a wadful of kiddos entering the world for the first time. They are true miracles and God has a specific purpose for each child He places among us. 

Not to take away from that, I would not be completely honest if I didn't admit that though many arms will be holding brand new babies this week, there is an ache in these empty ones today.  

So on this 30th of November, the due date, I remember little rivet. Here for a moment, and gone in a breath. But forever in Eternity. Forever alongside peapod and tatertot in the arms of Jesus. Waiting to be reunited with their mom and dad.  

______________________________________

I continue to write about my experiences of Joe's and my Heavenly kiddos, knowing there are many women who have experienced similar stories. Though the code of silence is breaking in regards to "fertility issues" (I hate that term), many days of remembrance still pass silently with pangs of longing in our hearts for the ones we have not held. You are not alone. You are loved more than you know. 

_____________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 11/30/11.

it's been a while

it's been a while.... for many things. but for today, it's been awhile since i curled up in my favorite chair with the most important book and my favorite hot mug of yumminess and spent time with the One who matters most. it's been a while since i've enjoyed 5:30am like that.

what has "been a while" for you that draws you at this moment? _____________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 11/7/11.

October -- Live Like I Mean It

I’m an idea girl. Those of you who know me well, know this is a momentary strength, but more often it becomes my downfall.  

.... so.... I had this idea..... 

I finally had the guts to share it with my husband, and he has taken on the task of keeping me accountable. (It is yet to be determined if this is a positive on either side.)

For the month of October, I’m going to live like I mean it. 

I became lazy in many ways this summer.  I acquire bad habits in a New York minute, but it seems to take 15 years to acquire a good one.  

By setting a finite period of time (31 days), I hope to “suck it up and deal” and just get things done. Do things the way they’re supposed to be done, as well as challenge myself to do things I mean to do but never get to. 

Now, my legalistic self is already screaming at me. Because many days (I foresee) will be more of a “check it off the list!” with little enjoyment -- though, at times a “going through the motions” approach gets the body and brain used to the activities. However, my heart is hoping that I will sow and reap the benefits of discipline and healthy habits. 

What does all of this involve?

Prioritizing life:

GOD

spending time with Him, studying the Word

surrendering to Him all facets of life -- and living it

JOE / MARRIAGE

serving Joe, caring for his needs

investing in our marriage

SELF

taking care of myself

challenging myself to stretch (not just physically)

OTHERS

reaching out and building relationships (current, and yet to be)

WORK

be present in my current job

investigate self-employment options

develop more concretely what I desire to do

The main thread in all of this is stewardship -- being a good steward of what I’ve been given, my responsibility while I have it, and being able to fully give back.

When I’m in a lull or a pity-party moment, I am hoping the challenge will kick-start me to “get it done”.  

If nothing else, I’ll be blogging about it along the way -- the celebrations and frustrations. By having the month logged, I’ll be able to look back and see the wins as well as what didn’t work. 

Is there an area of your life you would like to kick-start? Want to join me this month and “live like you mean it” in that area? 

Leave a comment below with your ideas and feedback.

_______________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 10/2/11.

rendered.....speechless

Have you ever had so many words in your head, and so many words in your heart ... and have not been physically able to get them out?
It's an odd paradox, really. To be filled with so many words, feeling you will *burst* if you don't get the words out. And then, you open your mouth..... and nothing comes out.

This is where I have found myself for the last few months. So very much in my heart -- hurt, pain, anger, brokenness, loneliness... God scraping through scar tissue. Whispering, "We need to deal with this now..." This being several different things as the weeks have progressed -- old issues I thought were taken care of; issues that I knew weren't, but wasn't ready to bring to the surface; and of course, new understandings that I would have to work through. Until, finally, He made it clear -- "Just Me."
Any words I have are for just Him. As much as I have tried to sum up my heart and head to a few dear people in my life, I just couldn't. Even in the mirror (yes, I'm one of those crazy talking-in-the-mirror people to sort things out), I would open my mouth, look at the reflection in the mirror, and stand mouth agape -- in silence.
"Why can't I get any words out, God? ..... Oh. Not until I take them to You first."
"But I'd rather talk about You, than talk to and with You. I'm still mad at You."
"And really, I'm so scared to hear from You. I'm afraid I won't like what I hear. That the truth will be too tough. That I'll have to own up to a LOT. I'm afraid it will be too much responsibility. People won't understand."

And I finally dared to ask the question, "Who are You, God? Who are You REALLY??"

I have been close to God at other times in my life -- I could pick them out easily. I'm not questioning my salvation. But I realized that some deep-seated and core ideas about God are what I have picked up from others or placed on God myself. I do have a lot of sound Biblical ideas of God mixed in there as well. But similar to a garden, a garden is most beautiful when the plants were put there on purpose and designed by the gardener. Weeds, rocks, old mulch, etc., need to be taken out so that the true contents can be nurtured and grow and thrive.

God has been sifting my heart, bringing to light the lies, half-truths, and 3/4 truths.
Placing God's Word back in is the priority. Learning on a deeper level to truly talk with Him, bringing Him the frustrations and questions. Asking Him to guide me.  Pleading for Him to create in me a clean heart and to renew a right spirit  within me (Ps. 51:10)
Praising Him for WHO HE REALLY IS.
God cannot lie. He's incapable of it. Each Word that comes from His mouth is Truth. And He is Faithful. To not be faithful, He wouldn't be God. Bringing Him my unfaithfulness and allowing Him to heal me and scoop that away has been hard to wrap my brain around. Day by day... by day by day....

O Father, I confess that I cannot fathom Your mysteries. I cannot probe Your limits, Almighty One. They are higher than the heavens. They are deeper than the depths of the grave. Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.  (Job 11:7-9)

My God, I acknowledge Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are Your ways my ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are Your ways higher than my ways and Your thoughts than my thoughts.  (Isa. 55:8-9)

My Lord, where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.  (Ps. 139:7-10)

My Lord, Your Word is right and true; You are faithful in all You do. You love righteousness and justice. I thank You that the earth is full of Your unfailing love! (Ps. 33:4-5, emphasis mine)





Prayers taken from Praying God's Word, Beth Moore, B&H Publishing... and of course the Bible :-)
 __________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 6/6/11.

just a couple of thoughts....

hey all.... i so wish i had a bunch of time to write out all the thoughts in my brain. i also realized it has been a chunk of time since i last posted anything, and wanted to "check in".

i just glanced at the list of all the things i hope to accomplish this year (see 2 posts ago), and at first I was overwhelmed. yes, all the things are good and great and fine and dandy. but something has been poking at my li'l brain in the last few days and i wonder what direction this might go. hang with me (and comments are welcome).... the list is a great source of accountability as i keep focused on things that i always seem to be straying from. already i have had a couple of friends say, "hey, how is such and such going?" or "i saw a couple of your goals, and your recent commitment is honoring that!" that is a great encouragement to me.

but i will be very frank... that list is MY list. many things are spiritual and well-intentioned, but i will be honest -- i didn't ask God if these things were on His list. i can say that a few of them definitely are.... but my point is i didn't ask. which brings me to this:
each new year i have a list or a theme that i try to adopt that takes me on a path for a few months (i mean for it to be a year, but honestly, i'm lucky if it squeaks past february or march). recently on a couple of blogs i ran across a thing that has dared me to give up the list and adopt one word.

it's called One Word 2011 . it originated from a blog www.gritandglory.com when Alece started it last year.
choose one word and live that through this year. be open to what God has for you in that one word.
the last few days i've been chewing on this idea... what words speak to me right now? is this something i want to do? and you get the idea... one word keeps coming back to me. and now it almost taunts me and is just daring me to commit to it.

PRAY


i can go into my list of excuses at this moment, but i will not. i admit it. i do not pray as much or for the things i really need to pray for. i'm sure we can all agree to this. yes, i do pray for the big things in life, and i offer up little prayers at the beginning of the day and at dinner. but this just became very personal.
i was recently struck by some of the things that take up real estate in my brain, trying to sort out the solutions, and realized i am not praying through them. i am not asking and expecting God to work mightily through them. i am not allowing God to be God and do the (seemingly) impossible.

i just started a book today by Steven Furtick called Sun Stand Still. i was a little cynical starting the book and had a couple of reservations -- can God really work mightily in my life and through my life as He did with Joshua when He literally made the sun stand still while the battle raged on? God promised Joshua that he would be successful in conquering the Amorites (see Joshua 10) and He stopped the sun mid-day and fulfilled His promise.
as i'm reading the book there are 3 situations at the forefront of my mind (one is a vision/dream i believe God planted, one is a temptation i seek freedom from, and one is a relationship i desire to be changed). i realize that all three of them demand a miracle. i constantly am trying to figure out how sara can conquer these and what the strategy should be, when it's really only GOD that can do it. and i don't think He wants me to sit idly by just waiting for Him to work. i now realize that He wants me actively involved by asking for Him to intervene and believe that He can and will do it (this is part of the audacious faith that Steven talks about it in his book). and it's not just the big things. it's the little things. the Bible talks about praying ceaselessly. this is to pray about everything. even the mundane and boring and monotonous things. so it's everything on the spectrum. and i was silenced by the lack of conversation i have with my Creator about all of it. Again, not trying to get in the overwhelming category by all that i'm not praying for, but just taken aback by the desire God has of me to share with Him all that is in my mind and heart, and to release it to Him and expectantly watch as He works in all of it.

as Christ-followers, our life is not to be mundane and ordinary. Because Jesus was anything but mundane and ordinary. _____________________________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 1/20/11

Breakfast of Champions!

well, as the first Monday of 2011 comes, it was easy to make this decision for a good breakfast after walking 2 miles. why is it so easy on that "first real day" to do the right thing, and it's so not easy in about 10-14 days? so i'm posting this more for my encouragement, that it can be done, i can do it, and i hope to continue making good decisions this month. it did help also that on stepping on the scale today i saw a number that i haven't seen in quite a while (a good thing!). with the stresses of 2010, i "maxed out" TWICE at my top weight. so with this number peering at me from the scale in the wee hours of the morning i can celebrate that i have lost 10-13 pounds in the last couple of months. i wasn't trying, it just kind of happened. though it definitely provides the boost of momentum to "keep running the race" so to speak.
during my cool down lap of my walk, one of my favorite worship songs was playing on my phone -- "Jesus Paid it All" by Kristian Stanfill. to be honest, i don't focus much on the crucifixion of Christ. in that moment, though, i really did. and as the chorus broke out ("oh praise the One who paid my debt / and raised this life up from the dead") i looked to the bright blue, clear sky, catching the sun breaking through the trees and just was in awe... thank GOD for CHRIST. the one who bore ALL the sins of this world and is now victorious reigning over all, waiting patiently to come again so that all who confess Him with their LIVES may know Him for eternity and dwell with Him.
Heavenly Father, i pray that You consume my life -- that each day starts with You, is surrendered to You, and everything else trickles down from You and time spent with You. Help me to resist the urge to merely "fit you into my day". Thank you for this day of life and help me to live You out as You would have me to. In Jesus' Name, Amen. ____________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 1/3/11.

new year's in my head

if you happened to catch my above average Facebook activity, you may have caught that New Year’s is a phenomenon that takes over my brain waves. 

all of a sudden my mind jumps to all the things i hope to accomplish, ways i hope to change, activities i want to dare to try, and in general, how i want to improve or how life can be different. new year’s, for me, has the effect like the slates i used to have when i was a kid. the one with the red plastic pencil and the little plastic page that you pull up to erase whatever was previously written. january 1st has that effect of a loud and dramatic pull up on the page, extinguishing the disappointments or failures that have been lingering in my soul. 

i wish to borrow a genius comment from Anne of Green Gables by Miss Stacy to Anne: “tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it.” i think of this each new year as i look ahead wondering what awaits this silly girl. the whole experience liberates my imagination as i ponder “what will be?”. 

i start this mental list of all these wonderful ideas i hope to realize. (why is it that my best ideas come when i can’t write them down??)

as the list takes shape in my head, i am reminded at how legalistic i can become. i love lists. i love to cross things off lists. and though many of my ideas have a good intention, i find myself consumed with wanting to cross that item off the list, not because a good thing has necessarily manifested itself in my life, but because I CAN CROSS IT OFF THE LIST. 

so then i must take a step back. is it just about the list? or is it because i truly am willing to invest the time and energy to change or incorporate new habits, or what have you.... 

well, the reality is my life is an atlas of many roads paved with good intentions. let’s be honest. it’s january 2nd. i have no clue what will happen this year. but in the spirit of New Year’s, i am posting a list of what has been circling around this noggin. this may serve as comic relief in 6 months when i look back on this. it may be a source of accountability. or it may become a prayer list for some of the items. 

blogs can be interactive, and i do pray that this becomes so as i share my life. i would love to hear comments, encouragements, et cetera. and without further ado...

sara’s 2011 list

God-centered stuff

seek God more fervently and consistently

read the entire New Testament (i have started a NT in 30 days plan)

have a consistent quiet time with the Lord

read the Bible consistently

set aside sabbath times through the year

be open to what God has to teach me and bring into life

pray for God to reveal His will for our family

relationships

become a better student of my husband

set aside special time for my marriage (including date nights and fun activities)

communicate more and better with my husband

invest in the gals in my life -- be intentional about making time with them

communicate with friends out of town

become less selfish, and more selfless (sounds redundant, but i need to focus on this!)

faith family stuff

host a small group

find an area to serve 

house stuff

do weekly plan sheets to efficiently plan each week’s goings-on

have a consistent schedule re: housework

plan meals for each pay period or month, tying in coupons

balance checkbook each week and pay bills each payday

finish settling the house

frame photos and hang

physical

exercise regimen -- consistency is the key!

train for walking a 10K

walk a 10K (or two??)

lose 20 pounds

doggies

work on training dogs

introduce them to other dogs in the neighborhood

get them on a consistent walking schedule

introduce them to the beach!

get them to the vet for checkups

regular grooming/baths

creative stuff

journal

keep up the blog

start a book review blog?

find creative writing opportunities

read 1-2 books a month (preferably more, but let’s start small!)

photo outings

work on photography

as i wrap this up for the night, i know there are about 50 more things i wanted to include in the list, but of course they elude me now... 

___________________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 1/2/11

One of a million -- sort of...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! another year, another blog! yes, i'm sure there are many people out there that have a resolution to start or revamp a blog around January 1st. it's a time when we reflect, daydream about our hopes and dreams for the next 12 months, and feel the creative bug bite as we want to spin our thoughts into the universe for many to read. in this regard, i admit, i am one of a million.
as some of you know, 2010 held a tremendous adventure that has really just begun. four months ago (today, in fact) we closed on our new home in South Carolina. the reason we moved here is simply God. He came up with this crazy idea to take us out of our idyllic Kentucky existence and put us on a path that only He could pave. and that is where this blog picks up. my desire is to use this medium to record what God is doing, and how this stubborn, spunky, sensitive sara responds.
one of the parameters i hope to uphold is to keep this honest. there will be days that are not comfortable -- we all have them. i pray that my sharing connects others together as we step through this life together. some days we feel like we crawl, most days we walk. there are days when we run, and days that we fall down are bound to happen -- but we get back up and try again. on a rare day we get to skip -- here's to more skipping days!

___________________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 12/31/10.

a delightful afternoon

Preface point: I have not written in ages, and this entry is a response to a friend's challenge to be creative this afternoon. 

The LORD your God is with you,
       he is mighty to save.
       He will take great delight in you,
       he will quiet you with his love,
       he will rejoice over you with singing."

(Zephaniah 3:17)

A friend of mine had this verse on her Facebook status a couple of days ago. I so wanted to grab onto this verse and hang with it for a few days. As I stare at this verse and ponder, there really isn’t anything else, is there? God is always with me. He is the Mighty Warrior who fights on my behalf and fights for me. He delights in me. He will quiet me with his love. The Amplified Bible says this: He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]. He will rejoice over me with singing.  

I admit this is a picture of my God that I have a harder time grasping onto. In this picture there is no worry, no anxiety, no fear. How freeing. I think I’m struck by the contrast in my life.... realizing how much I do worry, how much I do get anxious about things, be they big or small. And how much I do fear. It’s been said countless times that there are 365 “Do not fear’s” in the Bible... one for every day of the year. To me this verse emanates the point of not fearing where I “get it”. What is there to fear? I’m in the arms of my Maker. Is there a battle with my name on it that needs fighting? He is on the front line. And guess what? He wins every time! God does not lose! Though I am not a parent, I think of the moments in life where I delight in someone or something: my dogs, a small child, my husband. In the book that I’m reading right now, there is a conversation that takes place that made me stop and ponder and it speaks to this point of God’s delight in His child:

After slathering myself with more sunscreen, I nestled in my custom-designed space and kept telling Laurie how beautiful the water was.

“You know,” she said. “I think God must really enjoy the way you appreciate His creation so much.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Even in college you were always noticing the moon or the shape of a certain leaf.  You appreciate the beauty of creation more than anyone I know. I thought of that the other evening when you read that verse about inviting God to enjoy His creation.”

“Oh, right. In Psalm 104.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, because I know what it’s like to enjoy something I’ve created.”

“Like your photos,” I said.

“Exactly. But what would it be like for the thing that was created to turn around and express mutual enjoyment of the moment to the Creator?” 

I wasn’t sure I followed her.

“Think of all the criticism God must hear every day. But not from you, Hope. Every day I hear you express awe and delight for everything around you that He created. You are enjoying His work of art right alongside Him, yet you are part of that work of art. Can you imagine how that must make Him feel?”

I couldn’t.

“I think I understand something I never understood before.”

“What’s that?” The revelations seemed to be coming at Laurie so quickly I couldn’t even try to keep up.

“I think I understand how deeply the Creator must love the parts of His creation that love Him back.” (from Sisterchicks Do the Hula, Robin Jones Gunn)

I find myself identifying strongly in a mix of both characters. Laurie, the photographer, taking great satisfaction out of her art is such a part of who I am. Hope, the appreciator of Creation, is also my heart as I stare at a sunrise or sunset, the moon, the way flowers are blooming, dew on leaves... I try desperately to understand the Creator more. But by turning my delight of what God has created to Him, I am delighting not only in what He has made, but also delighting in Him. I think in turn He delights in my delight. And I need to just delight in that! (Got it?) (Of course, He delighted in me way back before I could ever delight in Him.)

The last part of the verse.. God will rejoice over me with singing. Wow. God created music. So my logic says He’s got the best singing voice of all. I think of the times in my life that I sing.... I can’t even imagine the sound of His voice, and to think He sings over me! Anyone who has memories of a parent singing over them knows it’s one of the most treasured memories a person can have. 

When I have thought about this verse over the last couple of days, I have been reminded to accept the peace that only God can give. Abide in Him. And enjoy Him as He delights in me. Pretty cool stuff. I can’t wait for eternity. As much as I try to shed the chains of anxiety, worry and fear, on this earth, I know I will be able to shed those chains permanently in Heaven. For now, I will allow this verse to wash over me and remind me that I can, in fact, shed those chains here and now and savor the Love that is beyond my comprehension. 

Father, I just am in awe of You. I treasure the day that I will see Your face and be swept up in Your arms. For now, I thank You that You have given me Your Word and it says I am already in the palm of Your Hand. Thank You for Your creation -- it delights me so. Help me to always turn that delight back to You. You are with me always and You are my security. In Your Son’s Mighty Name, Amen. 

Faces of Christ and Eternal Stuff

I recently was on a business trip and I encountered two faces I hope do not fade from memory soon. (A little disclaimer here: I think too much. I just do. No apologies. So if this doesn't make sense, or you just think "that's nice, Sara," at the end of this post, well so be it.) These two encounters struck me as profound and reinforced a trail of thought that has been growing lately.

The first was in Orlando. My colleagues and I were in the Orlando airport early one morning getting ready to settle down and eat our yogurt parfaits before heading to our gate. As we approached a cluster of chairs I noticed a gentleman listening to his MP3 player and reading. Once we sat down I noticed he was reading his Bible. Normally not a big thing, but a comforting and delightful sight to see someone reading their Bible in such a public place. He seemed deep in thought and in his own world as he read. It then struck me that this was probably his morning quiet time with the Lord (it was 6am after all). A strange sensation of emotion pushed over me as two things hit me: 1. it is touching to me to see a man reading the Word of God in a personal setting -- be it my husband or someone else. It tells me that they know who God is and they are not Him. In this culture where men are encouraged (and somewhat required) to have an ego and a facade of self-confidence and succeed in the world's measures, it is refreshing to see a man who delights in the One who made him. With that said, point #2 is that I felt that I had stepped onto a holy ground of sorts. I get distracted too easily for my own good. To grab a quiet place and be able to meet God in that place (albeit a public place) would be an amazing thing. The last thing I would want is to try to tune out 3 ladies chatting about their day as I try to listen to God. My spirit became very unsettled as though I had walked in on someone in a very personal moment. I asked my colleagues if we could please move to another spot. I just wanted to honor his time with God and not be a distraction in it. One of my co-workers wondered if he would think that we moved because he was reading the Bible. We finished breakfast and headed to our gate. As we were about to board, the same gentleman stepped up to our gate, as he had the same flight to Atlanta. My dear colleague extended a hello to him and mentioned that we saw him reading his Bible and that we didn't want to disturb him, but also didn't want him to think that we were disturbed by his reading the Bible (hang with me...). He was very cordial and sincere and mentioned that he had been on a trip in Orlando with little time to himself and was catching up. He was excited to get back to Atlanta and see his family. We told him that we were Christians as well and on a buying trip for a church bookstore. It just made me so thankful that although I do not know his name or anything about him, he is a brother in Christ. From the earlier moment, not a single word was said, but he showed with his life who is #1. If I don't say a single word, would people know God's place in my life?

The next morning in Atlanta, my colleagues and I were having breakfast in the hotel. A woman caught my eye. I couldn't figure out why. I just wanted to keep looking at her as I tried to figure out what it was about her that held my attention. Her expression and demeanor was full of kindness. On rare occasions have I encountered someone where I've thought, "I don't know why, but I want to know this person." She had that same kind of effect. I watched her in conversation with her friend as she listened intently, spoke thoughtfully (although I couldn't hear a word she said). As she came back to the table with her breakfast, she chatted another moment with her friend/colleague. Then she quietly bowed her head as she prayed. Her friend had tried to say something to her as she prayed and apologized when she realized it. This woman responded with compassion and continued the conversation. That's when the lightbulb went off in my head, "she's a sister!" Again, in itself, not a big thing, but while her words were not audible to me, she attracted me with her kindness. Again -- would a stranger be able to look at me and just tell that "there's something about that girl"? Would they see Christ in me, whether they believe in Christ or not?

To change the course we're on just a tad.... it's occurred to me that I think way too much of this life and not a whole lot of my thought process is spent thinking of eternity or eternal things. This quote has crossed into my path several times in the past few months from C.S. Lewis: If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.

God is working on me in many facets of this. One being the people with whom I will share eternity. Would it be enough that I would get to spend each day of FOREVER with Jesus, gazing into His face? I can confidently say yes to this (admittedly, I could not always say yes). But then, I get to share eternity and just hang out with some of the people I've most wanted to? Seriously? Yuppers to that as well. And I've pondered that more and more recently. I'm a girl of silly wishes. I wish I could do that. I wish I knew that person better. Or I wish I could spend more time with so and so. But as important as it is to develop relationships, people who share my faith in Jesus will be in Heaven. So there will be time. It will just be later. And knowing we are but a vapor, later will come much quicker than we think. When I think of how much I miss my precious mother-in-law, I am tempted to feel gypped that we only got a few months of each other's life on this earth. But she is where she has longed to be her whole life -- Home, walking with Jesus. And though I miss that lady like crazy I long for the day that we are reunited and we have literally forever to catch up and develop a stronger relationship. I think of so many others, people who have been gone from this earth with whom I will first meet in Heaven (such as my father-in-law). But then I think of my brothers and sisters I'm surrounded by now. For whatever reason our life's circumstances may not be conducive to a close friendship, or we cannot spend a lot of time together, but that will change in Eternity. And I genuinely look forward to that time. Wonderful musicians that love to praise God -- will it be like a giant concert every night, or will I be able to wander the streets of gold and catch one musician, followed by an orchestra, followed by a band?

And that's where I will bring back the first two faces I introduced. I will finally have the chance to meet them properly and sit and find out what God has done in their lives and what was going on when our paths crossed for but a second. I'm continually amazed at the tapestry of His plan that God weaves. We'll finally get to see it from His perspective when we are enveloped in His arms and He lovingly says, "Welcome Home."