Sloooooooooowwww Dooooooooowwwwwwwnnnnnnnnn

©sarampeters 2014

I’ve been so stinkin’ restless the last few days. I’m tired, worn out, irritable, and just done. 

I can’t quite pin it down, though I’ve tried: increased hours at work -- though a blessing to our financial struggle -- has kept me away from home and what I need (and want) to do, my circadian rhythm is off and I can’t get out of bed before 8am because I’m up until midnight each night, I’ve got so much to do I’m simply overwhelmed, the talking and being with people constantly has drained my tank and I’m on fumes and can’t get downtime to replenish and renew, the worries of money and life stuff is taking precedence in my thoughts.... 

I’ve noticed I’m piddling away a lot of time on my phone and on TV. I have to be doing something, listening to something, watching something all the time. My hands and brain are fidgety.  And I’m realizing how some of my time is outright wasted and I could have time to read if I didn’t piddle so much. 

And then today..... I was walking in my yard, snapping photographs of the daffodils, hyacinth, pear trees budding and dogwood starting to burst open... and it hit me -- 

I haven’t stopped. 

Even in my capture of images on a beautiful bright blue sky day, I felt hurried. There’s a freeze taking hold the next couple of nights and I don’t know what it will do to the blooms and buds. So I had to hurry and grab some photos so I had some good early spring pictures. 

And then as I stood under the Bradford pear tree, it dawned on me. I need to be still. I just need to stop and see what’s surrounding me, and really look and take it in and thank God for His miracles. 

Slowing down. Yes, it’s hard. But we must do it. It is vital to our health and existence to slow down and be still. The photo I took at the moment of this realization wasn’t even a good shot, but it reminds me of what I wouldn’t have seen if I hadn’t stopped. 

Taking an extra moment and deliberately gazing on the flowers opening on a pear tree came alive to me. The sky was extra blue and I saw several jet trails spanning horizon to horizon. The birds’ songs were louder. The air a little clearer. 

My heart a bit lighter, my head less fuzzy, my countenance softer.... 

Be still. 

Know God is God. 

Accept each moment with joy and as the gift it is. 

encouragement

Encouragement

1. the act of giving hope or support to someone.

2. the expression of approval and support.

3. the feeling of being encouraged.

I guess I shouldn’t be.... but I am simply AMAZED at how God meets me where I am. 

Yesterday was a difficult day on many levels. It was a physically exhausting day, mentally taxing, spiritually wearing... and I was having a bad hair day, and frustrated that I needed a haircut badly. (Ladies, you know that can be the straw that breaks that poor camel’s back... and all on HUMP DAYYYYYY nonetheless.....oh fine, I’ll stop!)

Let’s sum up that I was quite discouraged.

Today I woke up, and from the first few moments, I found encouragement dotted throughout the day. I received a text from a dear friend, followed by Facebook notifications of encouraging comments that had been left in the hours prior. I found encouragement through my Bible Study group, as God confirmed through our discussion things He’s been whispering to me this week, as well as just showing me I am not alone in my struggles. A phone call with said dear friend was filled with more encouragement that astounded me. At work, a co-worker complimented my hair and I had to stop myself from explaining my struggles with the boy band mop on my head and just accept the kind word. A conversation with a couple of customers was edifying and mutually encouraging. When I left work tonight, it was SNOWING!! (and yet my weather apps showed 0% chance of precipitation...) My husband told me I looked cute tonight (that always helps!). And uplifting comments came my way this evening through Facebook (quite fitting to bookend the day with Facebook comments!). 

I needed today. It was, by far, not a perfect day, but the encouragement was just what I needed. God saw fit to fill the day with that particular provision. 

I love the first definition of today’s key word: the act of giving hope or support to someone. 

Today many reached out giving hope.... laying support at my weary feet. And you brought life. Your support, your time, your precious words are treasures in my heart and I dearly cherish them. 

There are days when I want to ask God, “Where are you????” and when I’m patient..... and willing to wait...... the next day will show up and He whispers, “everywhere........”  

My 500 Words, #EmptyShelf & Photo-A-Day

2014.... ready or not ..... here I come!!

I love a new year. 

Clean slate. Fresh start. Hope. Expectation. Dreams. Goals. Mile long to-do lists. 

My mind is abubble with thoughts rampantly racing through my brain, trying to catch a glimpse of what the year may have in store. 

This year is no different..... Yet, I feel this year is different. 

Maybe it’s my (yet again) naïve self living in the dreamworld of my imagination that this year will really be the year that will be the milestone marker of life. The year that I look back and say, “Wow, that 2014 sure was amazing!” The year that I conquer struggles and achieve daring deeds and emerge victorious all happy and grinning and shaking my fist in the air, screaming, “I DID IT!!!” 

A reality check in the form of a cynical and snide little voice whispers in my ear, “Sure, you say this every year, and look where you end up -- a year of wasted time, opportunities passed by, and you didn’t risk much did you?” 

But I really and truly (at this moment) want this year to be different. It feels like a “poop or get off the pot” year. I can no longer just say, “Hey, I want to do X, Y & Z.”  

I’ve got to do it...... THIS year.

So as this year is settling in (at the end of the day on January 1st), I have found myself, perhaps, already biting off a bit more than I may be able chew.  But, then again, for people who know me, this is typical. But I’m excited. I have just this month in view. A sprint of sorts. Surely I can concentrate on a couple of goals for just 31 days, right? (Check in with me around the 11th or 14th of this month... and if I have fallen away on these goals, please encourage the heck out of me to get back with it and help drive away that cynical voice that may be beating me up at that point.)

I have signed up for 2 challenges -- one for this month, and one for the year. Of course I have a little side challenge I want to work on as well. The main purposes of the challenges are to instill disciplines that will create the habits that I want my life to have. 

Writing.

Reading.

Photography. 

That is not the actual order of importance for me, but more the order of urgency of the particular challenges I have chosen. Let’s break them down.

Writing

I am about to finish reading the book You Are a Writer by Jeff Goins. Thinking of myself as a writer is difficult and I feel a bit fraudulent in declaring such a statement. A little while back, I heard Jeff in an interview where he encourages those who write to declare themselves  writers. (“I am a writer!”) And only after declaring oneself such, will that person actually start believing it, thus acting like it and pursuing the craft with more diligence. The book goes into this concept in more detail. 

Needless to say, I was a little giddy when I received Jeff’s email newsletter introducing his challenge for January -- write 500 words every day for the month of January. 

500 words doesn’t sound outlandish, but certainly an amount of discipline is needed -- especially for the every single day for 31 days part. (Even at this point, I am about to knock on the door of 600 words already.) 

What attracted me was the commitment of writing every day. Writers write. To be a writer, I have to write. And though I love the idea of writing every day, it is way too easy for me to get distracted, then tired, and come up with 12 excuses of why I’ll sit and write tomorrow. I am also aware that within the 31 days, I will likely hit a slump, wonder what in the world I should write, etc., etc.  I realize I need to hit those times and work through them anyway.  Through the challenge, Jeff has already promised writing prompts to help with the flow. 

But more than anything, at the end of this month, I want to look back and say, “I did it. I wrote every day for an entire month and logged more than 15,500 words.”  I don’t plan to have every day’s writing published, but I imagine a fair share of it will show up here on my blog. Leave me a comment and let me know you’re out there! 

If you enjoy writing, or would like to take a stab at the challenge, visit www.goinswriter.com/my500words . There is a great community forming already. Already at the time of this writing, there are almost 700 in the Facebook Group that Jeff set up, and over 400 blogs are linking up. 

Reading

If you know me, you know I love to read.  You know there are few circumstances in life in which I wouldn’t rather be reading. Day of wintry weather? Stay in, snuggle up and read. Beautiful sunny day? Sit on the porch with a delicious cup of yumminess and read. If given a few extra hours in the day, I would surely say, “I’ll use the time to read!” 

And no one knows more than my husband how many bins of books are residing in our attic, while I insist that I will get through them all before I leave this earth. (He has threatened -- quite convincingly, I might add -- that if I die before him, the first thing he’ll do is drag the books down and throw them in the street or have a magnificent bonfire in the backyard.  Yeah, he’s not much of a reader... but don’t hold it against him. He squishes bugs and other important things that allow me to forgive him this little insufficiency.)

Another writer/blogger/speaker I have been following in recent times is Jon Acuff.  The day after Christmas, I discovered Jon’s post from Christmas Eve -- http://acuff.me/2013/12/empty-shelf-challenge/

The Empty Shelf Challenge is about clearing a bookshelf and adding books that are read this year.  This excites me on several levels -- keeping track of the books I’ve read, but also being a part of the community that is doing #EmptyShelf, I’ll discover great books, as well as fellow readers and even other bloggers. Jon has a board on Pinterest for readers to add photos or screenshots of their empty shelves (and this includes Goodreads and e-reader apps as well as physical bookshelves) and shots as they add books to their shelves. I’m currently reading two books I hope to finish soon so I can add the books to my #EmptyShelf. 

(If you are on Goodreads, but we’re not friends yet, please leave a comment or follow me on twitter at @saranades -- I’d love to connect!)

Photography

This is where my heart lies.  In my youth, I was a musician. I couldn’t think of anything coming close to making me feel the way music did.  Though I miss my music days (you’ll still find me singing in the car and banging my hand on the steering wheel), photography, a close second, evokes emotions and thoughts that many times I cannot even express. I absolutely love being struck with such awe at a photograph that someone has taken, as well as that moment when I snap the shutter and know I have captured a moment unique in time. 

I have fiddle-farted around with my photography for 10 years. But this year. This is the year I want to really sink into it and see what happens. 

I have ideas, goals and dreams for this year in this area, but what I’m willing to share is that I want to grow and learn. I still have so much to learn -- technical knowledge that will allow me to understand my tool and my surroundings a bit better. But most importantly, I want to be still.... and listen..... and engage my surroundings with my eyes wide open.  And find that moment, that angle, that bit of wonder in the ordinary to capture and then share with the world. 

So it may seem a little anti-climactic, or confusing, to say that my challenge on the side is an Instagram challenge. I’m not hoping to capture a shot of a lifetime with my iPhone on Instagram. But the challenge does test me in consistency, discipline and looking around for a shot that will correspond to that day’s assignment. For that reason, I look forward to this challenge, and it will carry forth into grander ideas with my trusty DSLR. 

If you are on Instagram, connect with me!  My user name is saranades.

This post, aka Day 1 of My 500 Words, exceeded my thoughts and expectations. This is quite lengthy and I certainly did not plan on that, but it gives a good background of what I’m up to this month. If you are still reading, thanks for hanging in there. (And look at that! Exceeded 1500 words! Yes, I’m known to be an overachiever of sorts.... ) I’ll shoot for brevity another day... 

just for today....

 just for today.... i’m grateful for what I have before me, for God has ordained it so... 

....the good, the (what I call) bad, and even the (what I call) ugly.... 

everything has a purpose... to grow, to refine, to humble, to shine a light...

and the biggest opportunity is to  

..... to the Throne Room..... 

                                                    .... to the heavens.....

                                        .... to the sky.....

                        .... eyes cast upward.....

              UP

LOOK

ALMIGHTY GOD

He holds ALL in the palm of His hand....

He does not let a single thing pass through His fingers without His permission... 

He knows how each and every situation will play out ... to and for His GLORY. 

do I have big plans for this next year, a year about to be born? .... yes.....

do I have big hopes, hopes I pray to see realized? .... yes.....

do I have big dreams, wild and crazy? ..... yes.....

do I have big stresses and worries about tomorrow and what the future may bring? 

.... of course I do....

but today... 

may I not be concerned about the past.... for I cannot change a single thing.

may I not be worried about the future... for who knows what will really happen?

may I keep my gaze on the One who chose me before the dawn of time.... just for today.

get inside your story... and begin

Every year, the week of my birthday, I take stock of where life is, where I’m at in it, what hopes / dreams / goals are for the coming year, what I would like to focus on, etc.  And I shared some of that here on my birthday eve.

And then I awoke on my birthday to a beautiful email. The friend who sent it, didn’t even know it was my birthday, which made it a true gift. It was authentic, God inspired, and just what I needed to receive that morning.  We were in a conversation about pursuing goals and dreams with what God had gifted us each to do. I had shared a few ideas about my photography and writing. And the advice I received is still ringing in my ears.... get inside your story.  The context was geared toward writing and losing yourself within the story being written. And to start anything, one must begin. Whatever it is in life, we must take a step, and then another, and then another.... we will never achieve, grow, or move forward, if we do not begin.  

Those two points flipped a switch in me. 

I resonated strongly with the point to get inside my story.  By nature, I’m a wallflower. An observer. I love to watch people. I have fears of both failure and success, thus I don’t try as hard as I could or ought.  And for several reasons, I tend to just sit on the sidelines of life and watch.  But as I get older, I have realized how much I would rather be on the field, in the game. I want to have a life full of interesting stories. But even more so, I want to be in the middle of the moment. I want to know that within an experience, I am taking it in, eyes wide open, and willingly participating. 

As a photographer, getting inside my story is key. The observer in me has taken many safe shots on the sidelines, courtesy of my handy-dandy zoom lens. I can be there without disrupting the moment. But that position has also made me miss out on some incredible shots and experiences because I didn’t want to get my hands dirty. I was too afraid to speak up or ask someone if I could get in the thick of it and be a recorder of the moment. 

But to get started and move in any direction that will be productive, it is essential I begin. 

Yesterday, I realized a month of my 39-ness has already passed, and I wanted to check in with myself as to how I am doing with my theme.

The month of October, I took my camera everywhere with me. I really sunk myself into as many moments as I could. I shot almost 2000 photos (most of them aren’t any good and will not see the light of day). Of course, it was easy to be inspired as the autumn leaves were peaking in the mountains and amazing sights surrounded me. It was a great month of just being, seeing, and living. 

I also focused on making time to write. Most of it was for me, just getting into the swing of writing again. It felt freeing to get words and thoughts out, especially thoughts or stories I’ve wanted to put down for a while. 

Now I will admit, the last couple of weeks have been swept up in holiday retail schedules. The leaves are down, so although my environment is still beautiful, the urgency to catch a tree or a leaf right at that moment is no longer there. And, to be honest, I get complacent easily. I, too often, let the mess in my head distract me from the moment. 

But even in the moments I didn’t produce something tangible, I have been aware of what is around me, I have been soaking in others’ words and contemplating them, using them as inspiration for a future work session. I also have been more proactive in sharing my work with others, listening to feedback and thoughts.  

I look forward to the next 30 days and what God has in store as I continue to put one foot in front of the other, pause here and there to listen, keep my camera handy, capture amazing snapshots of life, and string thoughts together on paper.  

The theme I want to live by this year motivates me. Just thinking it or saying it propels my imagination.  What does it say to you?

get inside your story.... and begin.

week in review

life is busy. lots of things are going on, but the last seven to ten days have been especially busy and eventful. 

my parents came in to spend some time with us last weekend ( 4 nights / 3 days to be exact). we haven’t had that kind of quality time in quite a while, and the visit was wonderful. they stayed with us at our new-to-us old farmhouse (circa 1910).  though this is the smallest house my Joe and I have had, we were never running over each other, and we somehow coordinated 4 grown adults in and out of one bathroom. 

it was lovely being tourists in our new hometown. there were a few must-do’s on the list, and we successfully hit about 3 major sights / activities a day, including Smoky Mountain National Park (and Cades Cove), Gatlinburg, getting fried apple pies & cider at The Apple Barn, and the permanent Titanic exhibit in Pigeon Forge. we also had a bit of downtime and just enjoyed hanging out at the house. 

while my parents were here, our washer appeared to start leaking. so once mom and dad got on their way, we had a repairman get on his way to the house. turns out the washer was not leaking. always be careful how you pray... we prayed it wasn’t leaking... it wasn’t.. but the culprit was much bigger than we could have anticipated. 

the drain that the washer drained into was backing up. we don’t know why all of a sudden this became an issue, but it did. and we then found out that we had antique plumbing. it was pretty common back in the day to not route your washer to the septic/sewer system, but to route the pipe underground and have it dump out somewhere in the yard. nice. so after three and a half hours of being befuddled, the plumber finally figured out what was going on. and he had to come back the next day to repipe the line into the septic/sewer. an expense we definitely didn’t plan on. 

the day before mom and dad got here, our cantankerous curmudgeon of a beagle/basset mix had to have surgery to take a tumor off of his paw. he was bandaged up and seemed to do well for the first few days. until the plumber showed up. while he was here, and immediately after my Joe got home from work, Bailey decided to chew through his bandage and pull his stitches out. so off to the vet we went! we came home and thought all was well for a while.... then on Friday, in a fit of boredom / itchiness / temper mismanagement, he ate the bandage. as in ingested. as in couldn’t be found anywhere in the house and had to be in his belly. that revelation was discovered at two o’clock in the morning. praying that he wouldn’t need surgery (because i was close to making the call of just not bringing him home period -- it was 2am, i was exhausted and not thrilled about any part of the situation), we watched him closely and waited it out. (probably not the smartest call in hindsight, but we’re all okay.) sunday, as my Joe and I are getting ready for church, I saw Bailey in a posture that meant something was up. and it was. all over my carpet. a one to one and a half pound sausage roll of vomit. the bandage encased everything he had eaten the last two days. (at least it was easy to dispose of). so thankful it came out that end and not get tied up in his intestines, which it easily could have. (and he is fine, we’ve watched and he has passed all traces of bandage stuff.)

and we’re officially in fourth quarter of the retail world. veteran’s day weekend is a wildly popular and heavily attended event here in the sevierville/pigeon forge/gatlinburg area. and working 45 hours in 5 days (as a part-timer) -- many of those hours at the cashwrap talking to and helping customers non-stop --  are great at the moment, but zaps all energy out of this introvert-acting-like-an-extrovert. at least it was a good warm-up for the thanksgiving weekend chaos that is to come. i’m thankful for some great customers that indulged me by laughing at my jokes and returning the smiles. 

all in all, it’s actually been a great week. 

oh... if you have a hankering for an 8 year old curmudgeony canine, we can ship him COD. :-)

Flannel. Camera. Music.

A reawakening of sorts has happened.  Five weeks ago, I returned to Iowa for a high school reunion, but what started the trip is what reminded me of something I had forgotten. 

I LOVE solo road trips. 

I had taken many as a young gal in my twenties. Moving 600 miles away from home will do that. 

Just being able to drive and let my mind wander.... to play whatever music I wanted whenever I wanted.... to pit stop where and when I wanted .... I forgot how much I loved and craved that freedom and adventure. 

The positive takeaway is that when I embark on my commute to work each day, a mere 15 miles, I enjoy that time fully. I turn up the tunes and just soak in the sights around me. 

While I was driving the interstates across the midwest, I fell in love with the land of my roots all over again. But it was really the stretch of two-way highways between the city of my teens and the town of my childhood that made the biggest impact. 

The scenery was simply gorgeous to this midwestern girl. Fields were golden with cornstalks. Barns and farmhouses dotted the rolling hills. Teeny tiny towns forced a slowdown to 45 mph or possibly 35 mph. And I loved every mile of it. 

I hope I can return next year and create a robust portfolio of rural scenes, because I regretted not having the time to stop and take the photos I really wanted to. Fortunately,  this trip made me travel with my camera right by my side in the front seat. 

And I’m getting back in the swing of traveling with my camera more than I have in the last few years. The great percentage of my favorite shots are the fleeting moments that I practically missed. And I cannot count the passed opportunities because I didn’t have my companion with me. So I’m learning (again) that I must live with my camera. I think we make a good combination anyway. ;-)

Fall is, by far, my favorite time of year. When days get shorter, the temperature drops lower, the leaves turn magnificent colors of gold, orange and red. Another reason I love fall? I adore flannel. It is my dress code when I go out and shoot. It’s comfy, it feels great, and it epitomizes fall. I cannot get enough of it. 

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been dreaming and brainstorming about life -- how to better work my passions into something more sustainable. When I have a day off, running errands around town, I’m struck with how deep the drive is to make a go of my art. Driving around, music turned up, in my flannel shirt, with my camera..... “THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO!!”  The force of the sensation is scary, yet exhilarating. But isn’t that the thrill??

Flannel. Camera. Music. I’m ready. 

birthday eve

© sarampeters 2013

I'm sitting here on my birthday eve, taking stock of a few things. Each birthday comes with 

a bit of New Year's mentality -- what have I done this last year? what didn't I do this last year? what would I like to accomplish this coming year? try? places to travel to? habits to change? .... the questions easily flood my brain, and before I know it, I've beaten myself up, dreamed big and created a larger to-do list and reading list than I could ever keep up with. 

Those things will creep into my daily life over the next few months as it is.

But I hope I can set much of that aside and concentrate on the now. I hope this year is filled with "now" moments. Living eyes wide open and in the present. Taking some risks. Working on a couple of big ideas -- ideas that give me that "I think I wanna throw up" feeling.

I hope this year is also a year of preparation. I'm turning 39, and I want to enter my forties expectantly. A year from now, I hope to be ready to enter the next decade of life with more wisdom than today, more self-assuredness, and anticipative delight of what God has in store.

Enough of crippling to-do or idea lists...


This year I want to:

LAUGH

SING

ENJOY THIS MOMENT

INVEST IN OTHERS

ENCOURAGE WITH WORDS

FIND JOY AND BEAUTY IN SIMPLICITY

DO SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO

LOVE MY FAMILY WELL

NURTURE MY PASSIONS



Do you take stock each year at your birthday? What would you like to do differently?

i've been unfaithful

This morning as I was driving into work, I was struck by the landscape in front of me. The mountaintops were shrouded in a line of very dark clouds, and through pockets in the clouds, the sun just blazed through with brilliance and contrast.

The mountains are changing color dramatically right now, as we are officially in peak season with the changing leaves. What have been dark green mountains up until now, the panorama has smudges of orange, yellow, and red. The dark clouds crossing the tops of the mountains cast this ominous shadow, making one think rain was about to pour out. And then the sun. Filling any gap in the clouds, glittering its rays through the darkness to light up the coloring mountain scene.

It's not hard to think of God in such a sight. How He breaks through our darkness and shines light in our lives when we need it....
As I was talking to God, playing through the last few days, and the last few weeks of my life, I was finally in a place where I could ask for forgiveness. I have been unfaithful.

The last few weeks have been really wonderful, interestingly enough. God gave me a miracle by clearing out an old grudge, ushering in a fresh perspective of my past. I've been able to rekindle friendships from my childhood. I have a couple new friendships budding, and I'm excited to see how they grow. I've been pausing each day to appreciate what's around me, intentionally celebrating what gives me joy in the small moments.

And in the joy, I've been unfaithful. I have placed these joy-producing things / people / moments in front of God. I have been specifically and fully aware that I've pushed God aside in many moments, pursuing my own wants and desires, even allowing a thought war to flow freely. Yesterday, there was a weird crumbling feeling in me, and I couldn't pinpoint what was going on. A restlessness in my bones took over and I couldn't shake it.

The mountain view this morning brought clarity. God is ever FAITHFUL. He lets me have my moments of doing my own thing... but He won't let me stay there. Grace abounds. He loves me above my mess. He holds me accountable, but is merciful. He forgives when that's the last thing I deserve. And through it, His brilliance, His glory, His light shines through my darkness and illuminates the beautiful landscape of my life.

Psalm 36:5-6 
⁵ Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep.

Psalm 89:8 

⁸ O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

Psalm 91:4
 ⁴ He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Lamentations 3:22-24 
²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.²³ They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

1 Corinthians 10:13
¹³No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 John 1:9 
⁹If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

midwest love

©sarampeters 2013

three weeks ago, i traveled to the midwest for my high school reunion. the trip was amazing... i'm still processing aspects of it.  more will be coming regarding the trip.

but i wanted to post *something* tonight... something that didn't require too much thought or planning... something that just sums up an emotion i have....

i was not expecting the absolute adoration and love i have for the midwest. i have always very much appreciated the fact i was raised in the midwest. but this trip drew me in and surprised me with glorious sites. (maybe it was that i hadn't been back in several years...)

as a photographer, i was frustrated that i couldn't stop a gazillion times (or even ten, due to time) to really capture what i saw... i have always wanted to do a collection of rural stuff. and i will have to revisit the midwest a year from now to shoot all the gloriousness that surrounded me.

anyway... as i drove through eastern Illinois on my way to Iowa, i was stunned by the sunset over the rural landscape. fortunately, i stopped. ;-)

**all content and photographs are copyrighted and the sole property of sara m. peters.**

did i tell you? do you know??

so.... yeah.... ummm.... here it goes..... I LOVE FALL!!!!!!!!!

I can't control it sometimes... I want to shout it from the mountaintops.... I want to whisper it in the ears of everyone I pass by....

Did I tell you??

I LOVE FALL!!!!!!!!!!

I love the foggy mornings as God pulls back the blanket of the day He's uncovering before my eyes.

I love the changing of the leaves and how each day is completely different and surprising.

I love driving down the roads of East Tennessee and smelling fires of burning leaves.

I love the harvest displays sprinkled throughout my town, mini bales of hay with pumpkins, scarecrows, and mums propped up.

I love the evenings getting darker minute by minute as the temperature drops lower and lower.

I love sleeping with the windows open and wake up excited to see how cold it gets inside my house.

I love farmer's stands on the sides of the roads heralding their latest apples, mums, pumpkins and gourds.

I love pumpkin chai lattes and apple cider and the many wonderful goodies that are apple / caramel / pumpkin flavored or inspired.

I love curling up in a fleece sweatshirt and blanket, with a warm fall beverage, and sitting outside reading until it's too dark to see... and then I sit for several moments more...

I love having an October birthday and the "new year" mentality it gives me as I reflect on the year past, and dream for the year ahead.

Please share.... what do you love about fall?

a new place, a new outlook, a new look... and more to come!

This blog officially went a little crazy.... I had one back in Kentucky, started a new one when we moved to South Carolina a few years ago... and now we moved to Tennessee, so I just revamped the first one and added content from blog #2 to blog #1.  (follow? yep, crazy stuff... i told you)

So.... this is my temporary writing space... while i prepare for the “next big thing” (because there’s always a next big thing with me, isn’t there??).  

I am now in a farmhouse in a small town in East Tennessee (because it’s not eastern Tennessee, you see).  My husband and I moved to Tennessee after three years in South Carolina. The mountains have our hearts and I’m so excited to be back in a place that has four seasons. The move has been very positive, and we hope that this will be home for a good long time. 

The last three years can be described as a Refiner’s Fire. A time where faith was shaken to the core, and we were thrown to the threshing floor.  And a lot of days it feels like only a mustard seed of faith came through... but isn’t that all we need? And now, I gaze upon the mountains *daily* and just am in awe of how mighty and incredible God really is.

The house is getting settled, bit by bit. Creative juices are flowing.  And fall is here!! This tidbit ignites this ol’ girl’s soul like no other. The last two evenings I’ve been caught outside in our backyard way past sunset, just gazing out at the sky and the surroundings. I simply cannot get enough of it! 

I launched #StartOverOctober as a way to celebrate a moment (or few) of each day this month... being intentional to try something, get out, make something, or just be. My photos can be found on Instagram under #startoveroctober (there are a couple in there that aren’t mine, but anyway!)

follow me @saranades on Twitter and Instagram, and there will be more to come for sure! 

Better Days

I discovered this song from the Christmas disc we play at work. I have always loved the Goo Goo Dolls. This song is so haunting... so provoking.... this song always makes me stop and listen. "Tonight is the night that the world begins again." Happy December and Merry Christmas. :-)
 ____________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 12/1/11.

remembering rivet

This has been an odd week. A week of remembering with personal sorrow. It's also a week of coming joy.

And sometimes the two emotions on opposite ends of the spectrum mix or find themselves asking which comes first and which comes next. 

The sorrow has been bold, trying to dominate. I know there is a place for it, yet I've struggled to not let it take hold. 

I fear letting this out there into the blogosphere (again, on some levels). But I know the more I keep it within myself, the more it builds up into something unhealthy. 

I think I just don't want to be the only one to whom this matters. I don't want to be the only who remembers. 

And remembering once isn't enough. We make such a big deal about birthdays. So what are those of us who have little ones in Heaven -- who don't have earthly birthdays --  to do? I just want to remember for a moment. 

Last Tuesday, November 22nd, marked the 4th anniversary when Joe and I found out about peapod. It was Thanksgiving Day 2007, and I, from all my physical experiences, was pretty sure I was pregnant. I was so scared. I remember crying to Joe how scared I was. We had experienced a tubal pregnancy 7 months before (tatertot) that required a miscarriage. God was so good in healing me quickly. But I knew that even though God strengthened me in that time, I was not strong enough to go through a miscarriage again. So I told God He had to make this second one "take". Five weeks of ultrasounds later, we found out on December 26th of 2007 that peapod was an anembryonic pregnancy, and 2 weeks later, I finally miscarried. (A miracle among the miracles we experienced was strength only He could give.)

This past March, I found myself with similar physical experiences to peapod, and wondered if I was indeed pregnant. The day I took the test would have been the first day I could get a reliable positive. A few minutes after the test came back negative I started bleeding profusely.  This was not just a normal period. (And I've had many abnormal too.) I knew in my gut and in my soul what was happening. The most profound and inconsolable grief took hold. I still cannot even explain how I felt. But my world spun out of control... or maybe it was me spinning out of control. But the world did not look the same for a very long time. 

I asked God to confirm that this was indeed a miscarriage and not simply a haywire period. He did confirm it to me over and over. The overwhelming grief in my soul that I could not explain continued for weeks. I even told myself to just be over it already... I was just hoping to talk myself out of it and move on with the healing process. I learned a lot about God and my relationship with Him through it. And it was not pretty stuff. Nevertheless, I had to come to grips with false truths I had picked up, taught myself, and hammered into my heart over the years about God. God has been patient with me this year. Kind. Compassionate. Loving. And Truth.

This week I'll be receiving multiple announcements of my niece and friends who are expecting to give birth to their little ones (yes! all within the next 10 days or so). There is a baby boom going on right now. Yes, I rejoice happily and sincerely at the arrival of a wadful of kiddos entering the world for the first time. They are true miracles and God has a specific purpose for each child He places among us. 

Not to take away from that, I would not be completely honest if I didn't admit that though many arms will be holding brand new babies this week, there is an ache in these empty ones today.  

So on this 30th of November, the due date, I remember little rivet. Here for a moment, and gone in a breath. But forever in Eternity. Forever alongside peapod and tatertot in the arms of Jesus. Waiting to be reunited with their mom and dad.  

______________________________________

I continue to write about my experiences of Joe's and my Heavenly kiddos, knowing there are many women who have experienced similar stories. Though the code of silence is breaking in regards to "fertility issues" (I hate that term), many days of remembrance still pass silently with pangs of longing in our hearts for the ones we have not held. You are not alone. You are loved more than you know. 

_____________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 11/30/11.

it's been a while

it's been a while.... for many things. but for today, it's been awhile since i curled up in my favorite chair with the most important book and my favorite hot mug of yumminess and spent time with the One who matters most. it's been a while since i've enjoyed 5:30am like that.

what has "been a while" for you that draws you at this moment? _____________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 11/7/11.

October -- Live Like I Mean It

I’m an idea girl. Those of you who know me well, know this is a momentary strength, but more often it becomes my downfall.  

.... so.... I had this idea..... 

I finally had the guts to share it with my husband, and he has taken on the task of keeping me accountable. (It is yet to be determined if this is a positive on either side.)

For the month of October, I’m going to live like I mean it. 

I became lazy in many ways this summer.  I acquire bad habits in a New York minute, but it seems to take 15 years to acquire a good one.  

By setting a finite period of time (31 days), I hope to “suck it up and deal” and just get things done. Do things the way they’re supposed to be done, as well as challenge myself to do things I mean to do but never get to. 

Now, my legalistic self is already screaming at me. Because many days (I foresee) will be more of a “check it off the list!” with little enjoyment -- though, at times a “going through the motions” approach gets the body and brain used to the activities. However, my heart is hoping that I will sow and reap the benefits of discipline and healthy habits. 

What does all of this involve?

Prioritizing life:

GOD

spending time with Him, studying the Word

surrendering to Him all facets of life -- and living it

JOE / MARRIAGE

serving Joe, caring for his needs

investing in our marriage

SELF

taking care of myself

challenging myself to stretch (not just physically)

OTHERS

reaching out and building relationships (current, and yet to be)

WORK

be present in my current job

investigate self-employment options

develop more concretely what I desire to do

The main thread in all of this is stewardship -- being a good steward of what I’ve been given, my responsibility while I have it, and being able to fully give back.

When I’m in a lull or a pity-party moment, I am hoping the challenge will kick-start me to “get it done”.  

If nothing else, I’ll be blogging about it along the way -- the celebrations and frustrations. By having the month logged, I’ll be able to look back and see the wins as well as what didn’t work. 

Is there an area of your life you would like to kick-start? Want to join me this month and “live like you mean it” in that area? 

Leave a comment below with your ideas and feedback.

_______________________________________________
*this post was originally posted on my blog "stepping through the journey of life" on 10/2/11.